Sportsman's Daily


Houston's Chinese Population Outraged as Yao Ming Pops Out of Immense Take-Out Box to Start Season

Yao Ming Pops out of chinese takeout box

Ming Travesty.  Rockets center Yao Ming admitted later he was lied to about the real intentions of the ceremony.  Now he's furious.

HOUSTON, TX (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — In what is being called the most ill-conceived ceremonial opening to an NBA season in history, Houston Rockets star center Yao Ming emerged from a massive Chinese take-out box last night before the Rockets 103-99 loss to the World Champion Boston Celtics in their home opener.  
The eleven foot replica take-out box was wheeled onto the floor of the Toyota Center as the confused crowd fell silent amid dramatic music and darkened house lights. Suddenly, the music rose to a deafening crescendo when the 7’6” Ming materialized as bikini-clad cheerleaders danced about him while holding translucent buckets of duck sauce.
“This is a personal affront to every Chinese man, woman and child in the Greater Houston area,” said Xi Lu, who operates a UPS store. “What’s next – somehow incorporating the tired old joke of having him do it again an hour later?”
Not everyone was as indignant as Lu.
Clyde “T-Bone” Crawford, a truck driver from Amarillo who attends at least two Rockets games a year with his family, enjoyed the spectacle.  
“It was real cute,” the 51 year old chimed. “We’re big fans of this stuff. It reminded us of the hibachi show at Benihana.”
When told Benihana is merely an American corporate spin on Japanese food and has absolutely nothing to do with a Chinese national sports hero, Crawford said “I guess you’ll have to just call us the ugly Americans. Hell, I put ketchup on my egg roll. Ain’t that Korean or something?”
Chinese fans left en masse after the insensitive pre-game event and were seen wandering aimlessly near the arena trying to make sense of the well-intended, but stunningly inappropriate political incorrectness.
Celtics players sat in stunned silence after witnessing the event.  
But Celtics longtime Travelling Secretary Frank Hotko remembers the 1974 promotional event in Boston when the Celtic Leprechaun offended the largely Irish-American crowd by throwing potatoes into the stands while ingesting copious amounts of Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey - then spewed a seemingly endless stream of vomit on fans in the first two rows at the old Boston Garden.
“That wasn’t a very pretty sight,” said Hotko. “The pastiche of warm whiskey and fresh puke sure made for a rather ripe and pungent aroma. But the Celtics won, so all was forgotten.”

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