Sportsman's Daily


After Painful Loss, Huge Mets Fan Tim Robbins Tunnels Back to Shawshank Prison

Tim Robbins

The Mets Tank Redemption. Mets fan Tim Robbins while watching his club tank another promising season, contemplates a stunning escape from a soon to be demolished Shea Stadium.

FLUSHING QUEENS, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Tim Robbins, the lanky actor who portrayed Andy Dufresne in the film, The Shawshank Redemption, may have taken Sunday’s Mets loss harder than anyone.

The Mets needed a win to at least secure a one game playoff for a wild card birth, but once again couldn’t close the deal against a pesky Florida Marlins ballclub – the same team that sent them packing last season. After the final out was recorded, the generally affable Robbins quietly rose to his feet, brandished the infamous “rock hammer worn to the nub,” and began slowly tunneling back to the fictional Shawshank Prison in Maine.

“So long, fuckers!” Robbins chimed, as a puckish grin slowly formed on his face.

By early Monday morning, Shea Stadium security worker, Mike Vogel claimed that Robbins had managed to chip away at least twelve feet of concrete directly below seat 6, Row 4, Section 64 – where he’d been seated. “That’s a hell of a lot of earth to tote around in your pants pocket in just a few hours. And now, he seems to have vanished like a fart in the wind.” said Vogel holding up a small brown bag. “However, I did find this half eaten tuna fish sandwich on rye, and that poster of Gisele Bundchen sitting over there.”

Mets players and management are sorting through the emotional upheaval a second straight season without making the playoffs can bring.

“We’re truly sorry for letting down our fans, and especially Mr. Robbins, who we all adore,” said Mets General Manager Omar Minaya. “The thought that we caused an actor of his considerable talent and breadth a pain so great it drove him to tunneling back to Shawshank is devastating to us. In fact, David Wright was in my office this morning asking if we could send him down to Double A.”

Like Robbins, Mets fans from all over the Tri-State area are slowly coming to grips with the fact that it will be a grueling and prolonged off season.

“I hope Robbins has room for me in that tunnel he’s digging,” said Jimmy Papadakis of nearby Astoria. “To be honest, I think following him to Shawshank and surfacing in an 8x8 prison cell only to subject oneself to a greaseless and excruciating ass-fucking by two guys named Crusher is somehow a more pleasant alternative to thinking about pitchers and catchers reporting in twenty weeks.”

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