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Freak Injury Relegates Rosenberg to Everyman Status

Sports Shock Jock Laid Up

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MIAMI, FL (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- Sports broadcaster Sid Rosenberg is no stranger to controversy. His name has been splashed all over the New York tabloids for the past five years for a variety of reasons he shares openly with his new Miami audience. But leave it to Rosenberg to find new and exciting ways of fusing his personal and professional life to catch everyone's attention. This time the fast-talking sports encyclopedia will have to do without a key component of his overall persona - his right middle finger. It was injured as Rosenberg took a shot in the waning moments of his weekly pickup basketball game at the home of former Miami Dolphin receiver O.J. McDuffie.

Though the conventional use of the middle finger is commonly tied to the garden variety "flipping of the bird," Rosenberg has a very different use for the appendage. For years, the acerbic radio host has administered his "dead finger" to those in his inner circle. For readers unfamiliar with the term, the dead finger is a quick flip of the wrist with the middle finger fully extended which is targeted generally at the face of the victim. The ensuing whip effect can stymie the recipient for up to several seconds and raise a welt if properly doled out.

Doctors expect Rosenberg to make a complete recovery and resume his persistent and impulsive attacks on those he loves the most. His family, friends and co-workers have all experienced the full-on juggernaut of repeated dead fingers in machine gun like sequence. "It's really one of the most unpleasant physical sensations one can endure," former producer Richard Ege said. "But to a man, all of us just sit there and take it. We may initially put up a resistance, but ultimately it's futile. Sid's speed and element of surprise are unparalleled in the western hemisphere. Sometimes I just hate his fucking guts."

"It generally starts with a last minute invitation to lunch," quipped colleague Jeremy Marks-Peltz. "You accept of course. He wants you to feel safe. So there you are, all into your fries and cola. Sid may even go so far as to disarm you with the old standby, the awkward but effective 'How's your penis?' gambit, when a shadow comes out of nowhere and the dead finger is on you like stink on shit. You have no choice but to wait for it to end. Eventually it goes away."

Another associate who preferred to remain anonymous said, "Sometimes when he's particularly bold, you'll get a little something called 'The Moe,' where he sticks his index and middle fingers in your nostrils ala Moe Howard of The Three Stooges and parades you around the restaurant in full view of the terrified diners as you're besieged by unutterable embarrassment."

But perhaps Joe Benigno, Sid's former on-air partner in New York, and current WFAN mid-morning man, summed it up best with an unexpected suggestion of melancholy when he said, "Somewhere sandwiched between the nickname shouting, the palsy-like face contortions, the perplexing grunts, the multitude of bodily functions, the endless cell phone interruptions, the exasperating indecisiveness while ordering lunch, and the rapid-fire flurry of his patented dead fingers lies a pretty decent guy."

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