Sportsman's Daily


Series Shifts to Philly; Fans Set to Freak out Rays with Machete Giveaway

man wielding machette

Pretty Machete Attitude. Anthony Genovese of Havertown, PA is just as excited about the World Series shifting to Philadelphia as anyone.

PHILADELPHIA, PA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The 2008 World Series packs its bags for the Northeast all knotted up at one game a piece. The Rays, who are used to relatively laid back, casual fans, were told to prepare for the onslaught of the classic Philadelphia sports fan – the crazed, passionate fanatics who in the past have been able to rattle pitchers off the mound with booing and yelling.

Apparently the Phillies and their fans have something extra special in store for the team from Tampa Bay.

For the third time this season, the team will give each paying fan a fourteen inch razor sharp machete to swing and wave throughout the game.

“Man, do I love the machete giveaway,” said Gus Kyriazis of Upper Darby. “Nothing unnerves a third baseman more than having to step over a severed head to catch pop fly.”

When the Phillies players found out the team was planning the giveaway, they all but guaranteed to take the series in Philly.

“They’re giving away the machetes again?” said an amped up Pat Burrell. “Outstanding. Baseball players are pretty superstitious. I’m no different. They had three machete giveaways this season, and we won all three times – the last time on a forfeit. Red October baby!!”

Word spread among Phillies players about the promotion on the flight north.  

“The beauty part about the machete giveaway is the color red,” said Phils’ shortstop Jimmy Rollins. “The fans’ hats and shirts are Phillie red, and the endless pools of blood and sheared off limbs are Phillie red too. I don’t care who you are, if you’re an opposing player, that shit’s gonna fuck you up really nice. The smell by the seventh inning gets pretty funky.”     

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