Sportsman's Daily


Beantown Shift: Johnny Pesky to Throw Out Ted Williams’ Head to Start Game Three

Pesky with William's head

Bean Ball! Ted Williams frozen head is back in Boston. And Johnny Pesky will provide the power.

BOSTON, MA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — It took two weeks to convince him, but one of the Boston Red Sox favorite sons, Johnny Pesky, has agreed to make the ceremonial first pitch for game three of the American League Division Series by tossing out the severed and frozen head of Bosox Hall of Famer, Ted Williams.

“They started to thaw it out,” said the 89 year old Pesky. “But then had second thoughts when it started stinking something awful, so they refroze it in some kinda chemical solution. Now it’s cold as hell, so I have to wear oven mitts to handle it.”

Pesky, even at his advanced age, remains spry and has tirelessly practiced long tosses with perhaps the second most famous cryogenically frozen cranium in history – the first being that of Walt Disney.

“Its pretty heavy,” added Pesky. “And I’m sorry to say on my first try I broke off Teddy Ballgame’s nose. Fortunately the clubhouse manager glued it back on.”

“There are two or three generations of fans who never got to see Ted Williams play,” said Sox GM Theo Epstein. “Me included. So we hope this gets those fans a little closer to arguably the greatest hitter who ever played the game.”

Williams’ head will be placed in a special seat just behind the home plate netting while the Red Sox are batting, then removed while they’re in the field.

“Yeah, the intent there is to throw off the opposing pitchers,” said Sox manager Terry Francona. “I expect to it to play a role. Ted will be like having an extra man on the field –
His lifeless, unrelenting gaze will be like lasers shooting directly into the eyes of the Angels pitchers. It could work to our advantage. And the beauty part is there’s nothing in the rule book that prohibits it.”

But Angels slugger Vladimir Guerrero isn’t the least bit concerned. “I’m used to playing in front of dead fans,” he said. “Don’t forget, I played for the Expos.”

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