Sportsman's Daily


CBS Sports Host James "JB" Brown Seriously Injured Executing Physically Demanding Dance Sequence

Shouts of intense pain initially thought to be part of improvised tribute to his namesake, R&B legend James Brown, who died the day before; NFL Today host treated for back, neck, groin, abdominal, achilles and patella tendon injuries.

James Brown

NFL Today host James Brown feels good...before feeling very very bad indeed, surprising his delighted colleagues with an attempted split, one of singer James Brown's signature dance moves. Brown's ungainly comical homage resulted in a grotesque assortment of injures.

NEW YORK, NY (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) — "Please, please, please," wheezed a guffawing Boomer Esiason, begging NFL Today host and colleague James "JB" Brown to stop his sidesplitting hijinks, before he, Dan Marino and Shannon Sharpe realized JB was writhing not in tribute but in agony, having failed to execute a series of physically demanding dance moves -- moves made famous by Soul and R&B trailblazer James Brown, who passed away a day earlier.

"Papa's gonna need a brand new colostomy bag," screamed Dan Marino, bent over with laughter.

"Maceo," shouted Shannon Sharpe, shaking with belly laughs. "take us to the break!"

The entire studio rocked with laughter as JB returned from a commercial break and surprised everyone with a spontaneous dance sequence -- a spin, a shimmy, a series of rapid-fire dance steps, punctuated by an eye-opening split from which JB has yet to recover.

"It happened so fast, and we were all just besides ourselves laughing," said producer Hal Abrams. "We should have known JB was hurt bad -- his pants split wide open on national TV and he just remained there, frozen, for what seemed like minutes. The fact that he was screaming, grunting and sweating like a pig, you could have sworn it was the Apollo circa 1964. He started barking stuff, completely unintelligible...just like the real JB, who, by the way I once worked with -- he'd blindside you with a question, let out a grunt and point – no one and I mean no one, not even his people, could make heads or tails. It so happens that most of the time he was just asking directions to the men's room." (Full disclosure: this reporter once interned for the David Letterman Show at NBC and can vouch for James Brown's legendary visits to the men's room. We'd stand outside the door as JB entertained us with a five minute bowel movement, a symphony of grunts and amens echoing off the tiled bathroom walls. A loud "hit me!" signaled we'd reached the end, followed of course by the flush – he always flushed though we can't say for sure if he left the seat up or not.)

"JB took one for the team," said Boomer Esiason later, still laughing hours after the incident. "Watching it on tape, yeah, it's kind of sickening -- like when LT snapped Theisman's thigh bone. But watching it go down like it did, it just doesn't get funnier than that. Hilarious. JB moves like you'd expect a black man with a Harvard degree to move -- like someone shoved a diploma up his butt. Wonder what he's gonna cook up when Chuck Berry kicks the bucket."

Earlier in the day, football legend Jim Brown angrily confronted reporters stationed outside the gate of his Los Angeles home to show he was still alive and kicking. To prove it, he produced a comely young 27 year old woman from behind a shrub and began to kick her. Repeatedly.

James Brown – the host – is expected to make a full recovery. James Brown – the singer – is not.

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