Sportsman's Daily


One Day After NFL Commissioner Vows to End “Wild Behavior” Michael Irvin Elected to Hall

Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson, facing weapons-related charges, “appreciates the irony”

Michael Irvin

Michael Irvin promises to return and issue a formal statement regarding his election to the Football Hall of Fame. "Give me about 2-3 hours to powder my nose and take care of some well-wishes. "

MIAMI, FL (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) – One day after NFL commissioner Roger Goodell vowed to end the “wild behavior” of the past year, Michael Irvin was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. The former Dallas Cowboys receiver got in on his third try – highly appropriate considering Irvin’s special relationship with the number three: Irving played in three Super Bowls, was arrested on charges of cocaine possession at a hotel party celebrating his 30th birthday, his 47 career 100-yard receiving games ranks third in NFL history, and, last but not least, Irvin's frequent threesomes (which he dubbed "fre-somes") were the stuff of NFL legend.

A day before Irvin’s election was announced, Goodell made it clear that he wants players to stay out of trouble. “We must make sure the players are more accountable and our clubs are more accountable."

“Amen,” said Tank Johnson. “I think clubs need to be more accountable. You sit down for a couple of drinks with the fellas, next thing you know the bitches are swarming, boyfriends are pulling out their gats and it’s the OK Corral. Club security needs to step it up so cats like me don’t have to be packin' heat just to grab a gin and tonic."

Michael Irvin began celebrating early at Scarface, an exclusive South Beach nightclub frequented by celebrities, Eurotrash and Latin drug lords.

“Say hello to my little friend,” said club owner Tony Montana, introducing Irvin to three half-naked stunners. Irvin asked that we respect his privacy – and promised to emerge in several hours to collect himself and issue a formal statement.

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