Goodyear Blimp Pilot Arrested for Airborne Ogling
Console Peters used to peer into windows and down well-proportioned halter tops. "Oh the inhumanity," mocked Peters' attorney Brock Fredericks. "He took pictures of woman without their express written consent, big deal, happens every day. It's not like he crashed the Hindenburg into the Orange Bowl for gods sake."
MIAMI, FL (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) Brick Peters, a veteran Goodyear blimp pilot who was to helm the Spirit of Innovation for Sunday’s Super Bowl, was arrested and charged for using his airship to ogle naked women.
“I just got out of a bath and went into the living room to change a cd when I sensed someone was watching me,” said Sandra Miller of Miami Beach. “I looked out the window and I saw a blimp hovering in the distance, but I said, nah, can’t be. I’m just completely shocked.”
Two weeks ago federal authorities were tipped off to Peters’ regular use of his helium-borne dirigible for illicit spying on naked and/or semi-naked women. Agents with the FBI had been monitoring Peters as he began extensive preparations leading up to Sunday’s Super Bowl, which included a careful aerial mapping of female-rich locations covering a five mile radius of the stadium.
“We believe that Mr. Peters has long been using the blimp and its highly sophisticated audio video technology to spy on women,” said FBI agent Frank Bruno. “During his fifteen year career with Goodyear, Mr. Peters has covered just about every major sporting event, from golf to football to NASCAR for god sakes. Chances are, if you were an attractive female wearing suggestive clothing – or no clothing at all – and were either attending a major sporting event or in the vicinity of said event, Mr. Peters was secretly recording your every movement in high definition video. I repeat: the images were of extraordinary high quality, which, combined with Mr. Peter's deft camera work, make for very engaging viewing -- perhaps a little too engaging. Fortunately, Peters was apprehended before millions of comely, scantily clad women could unwittingly expose themselves to his roving cameras during the game this Sunday.”
NFL officials were relieved to have been spared a colossal public relations embarrassment. Male NFL fans between the ages 14-75 were not quite as relieved – in fact, several expressed great disappointment. “Doesn’t the FBI have anything better to do, like spying on would-be terrorists?” asked a puzzled fan in his mid-20’s. “Now every time they cut away to a shot from the blimp, my mind’s going to be on some imaginary set of knockers when it should be on the game.”
A spokesman for Goodyear announced that Captain Russ Meyer will replace Peters in the cockpit.
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