FellateGate: Belichick Taped Mangini and Wife’s Carnal Pleasures; Prepped Him For Spying on Opposing Teams
“It Gave Me an Idea!” says Pats’ Guru
Voyeur to the Bottom of the C. New England Patriots’ Head Coach Bill Belichick lurks outside former Assistant Coach (and current NY Jets Head Coach) Eric Mangini’s Cape Cod summer home to see if he can catch a glimpse of Julie Mangini’s snatch.
FOXBOROUGH, MA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Someone likes to watch. On the heels of the so-called “videogate” incident comes breaking news of a disturbing pattern of behavior exhibited by New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick. Apparently Belichick enjoyed sneaking over to the summer home of his former Assistant Coach (and current New York Jets Head Coach) Eric Mangini to watch he and his wife engage in what Belichick calls ‘playing in the red zone.’
Dr. H. S. Meltzer, a sports psychologist who grew up across the street from the Patriots’ coach isn’t surprised. “When I heard about Bill taping the Jets’ defensive signals I wasn’t exactly stunned,” said Meltzer. “You think three Superbowl rings come without controversy? To think these kinds of covert activities just flare up or are isolated incidents is ludicrous. This is just the tip of the iceberg.”
Many close to the Patriots organization are concerned that Belichick’s uncontrolled voyeurism will lead to his eventual downfall. They’re also concerned Meltzer, who’s known Belichick for forty-five years is getting too close and throwing gasoline on the fire of an already embarrassing situation. “Look, it started during his teen years,” Meltzer added. “Here’s how it plays out folks -- you begin with an overwhelming curiosity - perhaps seeking the love of an unresponsive mother or an abusive father - followed by the accumulation of a stash of magazines like Fabulous Boobies and Jawbreakers, generally for the purpose of getting one’s rocks off – if you catch my drift. It’s all innocent dime store fun, but before you know it, you’re onto the real hard stuff, like Horse Jizz Slurpin’ Harlots, Taint Misbehavin’, and Probing for Corn. Then you apply this perverted, self-destructive method to your life’s work, and hope nobody finds out. But then, like your mother discovering your ill gotten booty of 42nd Street low-rent, pages-stuck-together smut, you’re snagged by the NFL commissioner like a sixty-two year old salesman in a raincoat pleasuring himself in the back of a porn house. That’s our Bill.”
Meltzer has been working with NFL officials and law enforcement agencies to see if a photo of Belichick skulking outside a window of Mangini’s summer home in Cape Cod, Massachusetts is authentic or altered in someway.
“The photo is pretty telling,” an irate Mangini said. “Looks real to me. Hell, I should know. I took it! I was on my back at the time getting a spectacular hummer when Bill’s face popped up in the window. Thank Christ I had my Canon PowerShot A-460 with me. I asked him just what he thought he was doing, and he told me he was retrieving a golf ball. He’s long off the tee, but holy shit. Who knows what the fuck’s going on in the media room? You think they’re watching missed coverage all damn day long? He likes to watch. Everybody knows that. The whole team probably likes to watch.”
So far the NFL says it will not levy any additional fines on Belichick until all the facts are in. That may take some time, and NFL officials say that even should more evidence be unearthed, the league will most likely wait till the end of the season before it proceeds with any meaningful action. However, commissioner Roger Goodell said he won’t rule out anything. “Leads are being followed and people are being questioned,” said Goodell. “I’d like to take a look in that window myself.”
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