TSD Endorses Eleventh Hour Candidate for Prez; Myron Noodleman, Clown Prince of Baseball
Myron-ing for Prez. Myron Noodleman, the Clown Prince of Baseball, made news by earning TSD’s endorsement for President. However, TSD administrators say a security breach led to the nod.
TULSA, OK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) With under a week left before perhaps the most important presidential election ever, The Sportsman’s Daily has endorsed the fifth Clown Prince of Baseball, Myron Noodleman to be the next President of the United States.
“Nothing against the other two candidates and their alleged prior experience,” said TSD intern Cletus Fleener. “But we just want to keep it light. Myron’s a real pisser. Having a naturally funny guy as opposed to an accidentally funny guy in the White House kind of makes our jobs easier, and that’s what everyone wants – an easier job.”
Noodleman, who wasn’t running for the office at the time of the endorsement, adopted the slogan “It’s All Good” and quickly registered as a candidate representing the little known U.S. Pacifist Party.
“I’m personally am not a pacifist per se, as I’ve been known slap some sense into my younger brother as well as some old ladies,” said Noodleman. “But I had to join a party to make it all official, and they seemed like decent people. A bit apathetic, but decent.”
Noodleman, was crowned the Clown Prince of Baseball in 2004. He had been the unofficial prince for five years after the most well known man to hold the position, Max Patkin, died in 1999.
Noodleman, who bares a striking resemblance to an early 60’s version of Jerry Lewis, dances and tells jokes at minor league baseball games throughout the United States.
“His stodgy routines are out of the past,” said Williamsport, Pennsylvania minor league baseball fan Arnie Krivac. “No one laughs at him. It’s an embarrassment. I brought my seven year old daughter to see his act and she couldn’t stop booing him.”
When TSD Editor-in-Chief Charles Epstein learned of the endorsement he launched an immediate in-house investigation as to who leant the TSD name in Noodleman’s candidacy. “This is unacceptable!” said a clearly angered Epstein. “I know no one in administration or tech support that would support him. The thought of a bumbling, stumbling fool who could barely string a sentence together attaining the highest office in the land is just ludicrous. Heads will roll – in a jocular vein of course.”
The Authors of The Sportsman’s Daily