Sportsman's Daily


Dr. James Dobson Blames Homosexuals for Rays Making and Subsequently Poisoning World Series

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Tampa-ring with God! Evangelical Dr. James Dobson lays it on the line, and puts the Rays success squarely on the shoulders of the gay community.

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO. (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Dr. James Dobson, Chairman of the Board of Focus on the Family, the Christian Conservative organization based in Colorado Springs, has called the emergence and overnight success of the Tampa Bay Rays a clear sign of the Apocalypse, and blames the homosexual community.

“The small market Rays, a team that represents a city known for its strip clubs and lewd, deviant behavior is in the World Series,” said the controversial Dobson. “They have no business being there. Its clear to me that God himself is punishing us all, including the glorious FOX network as a reminder that this must never happen again lest we lose millions and freefall into a dark, poisonous world where homos and Democrats run amok – praise Jesus!”

FOX head Rupert Murdoch concurred.

“Why else would we have to endure a ratings disaster like a Phillies-Rays World Series?” said the Australian born media mogul. “I agree this clearly is a punishment for accepting homosexuality so freely and would expand that to include MSNBC.”

“It’s the homos’ fault?” said Red Sox Manager Terry Francona. “I thought it was because we couldn’t get the bats around on Matt Garza. But I who am I to argue with a guy who enters a room riding in on a white horse with maidens plucking harps at his feet?”

“It’s classic,” said Oliver Chyme, Professor of Social Studies at University of Pennsylvania. “Evangelicals will always look for some sign that the Apocalypse is upon us. Why not look to baseball? It meets most of the requirements. It has a long history. It’s filled with iconic and storybook figures. And it has a wealthy contract with the most right wing network since the demise of KlanTV.”   

Dobson’s proclamation has not gone unnoticed in the Tampa Bay area.

“This is distressing,” said Bill Carson, a longtime Rays fan from nearby Valrico. “You put in all this emotional and financial investment for years, it finally pays off and then you find out your team could potentially hasten the end times. I might have to rethink my season ticket package for next year.

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