Archives - Baseball
- Robert De Niro’s Plan to Bring Third Baseball Team to New York Gets Raves at Press Conference
- A-Rod Drives Maddona Meshuggah; Yankee Slugger Obsessed with Kabbalistic Ritual
- Super Agent Scott Boras Accused of Harvesting Ballplayer’s Testicles
- Jubilant Phillies Fans Overturn Cars, Vans, and Dom DeLuise
- TSD Endorses Eleventh Hour Candidate for Prez; Myron Noodleman, Clown Prince of Baseball
- Erratic Umpiring Prompts MLB to Consider Fan Voting to Decide Controversial Calls
- Rays’ Manager Joe Maddon to Join Fabled Group of Horn Rimmed Directors with First Film
- Series Shifts to Philly; Fans Set to Freak out Rays with Machete Giveaway
- Dr. James Dobson Blames Homosexuals for Rays Making and Subsequently Poisoning World Series
- David Blaine to Watch Entire World Series Without Moving from Living Room Couch
- Rays Star Evan Longoria Gives Praise to Rael by Pointing to Crotch
- Philadelphia Overwhelmingly Supports Phillies, Though Twelve Percent Still Undecided
- New Leap Year Tradition: World Series Loser to Meet Wicker Man
- Beantown Shift: Johnny Pesky to Throw Out Ted Williams’ Head to Start Game Three
- After Painful Loss, Huge Mets Fan Tim Robbins Tunnels Back to Shawshank Prison
- Super Agent Scott Boras to Have Tattoo of A-Rod Removed from Inner Thigh
- Minor League Pitcher Mistakenly Has Elton John Surgery
- Lou Gehrig in Stands to See Derek Jeter Break His Yankee Stadium Hit Mark
- Rookie Pitcher Insists Ku Klux Klan Is Openly Attending Baseball Games
- Mariners Get Hot Just in Time to Fully Enjoy Post-season from Sofa
- Phillies’ Pat Burrell Makes Routine Plays Look Difficult to Impress Ball Girl
- Baseball Fan Tries to Smoke Phillies Pitching Coach Rich Dubee
- Dan Uggla Attempts to Plunge Dagger into Neck After All-Star Game; But Misses Three Times
- Prince Fielder Has Locker Position Moved Next to Buffet Table
- What Makes Her Skin Silky and Soft? We Asked Ana, Danica and Other Top Female Athletes
- Bush Lifted After One Pitch
- Canseco’s Ex Admits Attraction to A-Rod: “I Have a Thing for Five Tools Guys”
- Eric Byrnes Bolts D-Backs Camp to Join Circus
- Last Man on Tampa Rays’ Depth Chart was Also Picked Last in Gym Class
- Red Sox Counter Yanks Billy Crystal Move by Signing Dennis Leary and Conan O’Brien
- Spring Training Update: A-Rod’s Interminable Crotch Adjustment Now in Third Consecutive Day
- Bill James in Love: Recently Found Spreadsheets Reveal Writer’s Unrequited Feelings for Craig Biggio
- Oscar Winner Planned to Send Cleveland Indian to Refuse his Statue
- Brian McNamee Now Says He Injected 54 People with HGH and Steroids at Clemens Family Reunion
- John Rocker Celebrates Black History Month by “Reuniting” with the Pips
- Cloverfield Monster to Battle Barry Bonds in Sequel
- North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il to Throw Out First Ball at New Washington Nationals’ Ballpark
- Knoblauch Subpoenaed for Failing to Respond to Invite; Former All-Star Claims it Didn’t Include RSVP
- Bonds’ Balls Drop (and Shrink) to Ring in 2008
- Roger Clemens Now Denies He Ever Pitched in Majors
- The Summer of Love: Addendum to Mitchell Report Cites “Bizarre 60’s Vibe” Created by Bad Batch of Acid-Laced Human Growth Hormone (HGH)
- Moneyball? Cost-Cutting Athletics Revert Back to Train Travel
- Wrong Santana: Garbled Cell Phone Connection Leads to Yankees Inadvertently Signing Carlos Santana
- Former Relief Ace Ugueth Urbina Still in Prison; Says He’s Turned His Life over to L Ron Hubbard
- Alex Rodriguez Enlists Warren Buffett to Lay Groundwork for Initial Public Offering (IPO)
- Bonds in Pinstripes: Manager of Ossining Orioles Makes Pitch for Indicted Slugger
- Baseball’s Drug Testers Determined to Prevent Leaks
- Mwaaah! Mwaaaa!! Mwaaaaaa!!!
- FOX Taps Tim McCarver to Once Again State Painfully Obvious During World Series
- Last Chance to Ax Torre Slips From Steinbrenner’s Trembling Hands
- Sox Fans Flabbergasted to Learn that Manny Ramirez Actually Has a Mental Approach to Playing Baseball
- Joe Torre and Yankees Adopt Siege Mentality in Taking Game Three
- Mets’ Disappointing Season Gets Worse as Mr. Met Admits He Does Porn
- Mets’ Heartbreaking Season Gets Worse as Mr. Met Admits He Does Porn
- Nineteen Mets Injured in Frenzy of Post-Game Finger Pointing
- Former Player and Coach Rusty Kuntz’ Last Name Still Considered Too Dirty for Baseball
- Al-Qaeda Starts Baseball League; Promises All Players 72 Virgins in Afterlife
- Dodger Dog Vendor Blamed for Most of LA’s Heart Disease
- Texas Rangers’ Jarrod Saltalamacchia’s Last Name Makes Teammates Hungry for Italian
- D-Ray’s Ambidextrous Pitcher Hurls Complete Games in Both Ends of Double Header
- Record Breaker Bonds Admits He Took Steroids to Impress Jodie Foster
- More Than Seven Years Later, John Rocker’s Only Regret is “I’m Not More Aryaner”
- Ingmar Bergman Dies; Swedish Filmmaker Leaves Behind Unfinished Script for Unproduced Baseball Movie
- Joe DiMaggio’s European Diary Found; Sports Icon a Skinflint in (At Least) Five Currencies
- Yankees Fall to Last Place, Prompting Vintage Outburst from Boss
- Bush Learned Last Weekend He No Longer Owns The Texas Rangers
- Like Elvis, Most People Prefer Thinner Barry
- The Bronx Is Burning’s John Torturro Channels Billy Martin; Beats Up Reggie Jackson Actor
- Mike Hargrove's Resignation "Shocking But Not Completely Unexpected"
- Researchers from University of Chicago Announce New Formula for Re-evaluating Pre-Steroids Era Baseball Stats
- Lou Piniella Tears Zambrano A New A**hole
- David Ortiz Clarifies Statement: “Ok, Ok, Ok, I Hate the Yankees”
- Yankees Strength Guru Fired for “Philosophical Differences”
- Twelve Batboys Held for Possession of Performance Enhancing Drugs
- Barry Bonds Promises To Hit Home Run for Perfectly Healthy, Rich Kid
- Washington Nationals Mathematically Eliminated From 2007 Pennant Race
- Bowie Kuhn “Freaked Me Out”: Commissioner’s War on Drugs Exacted Heavy Psychic Toll
- Man Who Went Mad After Chris Webber's Infamous Flub, Still Clinically Insane
- Hollywood Madam Confirms that Tommy Lasorda Bleeds — and "Emits" — Dodger Blue
- An Inconvenient Ruth
- Iranian President Proclaims Jewish Baseball Players “A Myth”
- Is Ted Williams Father of Anna Nicole’s Baby?
- Evil Clown Can’t Understand Why He Got Passed Over as Reds New Mascot
- Red Sox Hurler Matsuzaka To Face Godzilla in First Spring Training Game
- Minoso Wants to Put Hit Mark Out of Reach
- Seattle Pilots Fan Still Waiting for Autograph Promised Him in 1969
- Ten Years After Making “The Fan” De Niro Still Obsessed with Bobby Rayburn
- Jackie Robinson’s Number 42 Tired of Being 'Just a Number'
- Alien from Cygnus Star System to Break Species Barrier in Baseball
- Family Supports Pettitte’s Return to Yankees; Statement Issued by 12 Year Old Son Approves Deal
- Derek Jeter is “Really F*ckin’ Bummed” He Didn’t Win MVPPhillies Sign Fans to Three Year Deal
- Phillies Sign Fans to Three Year Deal
- Expired Driver's License Prevents Stevie Wonder from Driving Relief Pitchers to the Mound in Fall Classic
- Astronomers Demote Yankee Boss from Asteroid to Pocket of Intergalactic Gas
- Woody Allen’s Next Film Denies Existence of Knicks
- Umpire Who Went Off Half-Cocked, Works Way Back Up to Full-Cocked
- Controversial Randolph Firing Prompts Special Posthumous Edition of Meet the Press
- MLB Clubhouses Gird for Violent Outbreak of Paraskavedekatria-phobia
- Devil Tries Reentering Rays’ Name; Exorcism Performed
- S.F. Giants’ AT&T Park in Foreclosure
- Phils’ Kyle Kendrick Gets Revenge on Brett Myers for Japan Stunt
- “Confessions of a Clubhouse Manager’s Wife: Skid Marks, Nub-Jamming, and the Cornelius Incident”
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