News Archive WWW www.sportsmansdaily.com   John Calipari Consoles “Millions” Who Lost Money on His Team; Players Feel Emotionally Abandoned in Time of Need Hours After Railing at UCLA’s Final Four Loss, Actor Charlton Heston Dies Dozens Misinterpret Double Meaning in Taylor Made Promotion, Leading to Catastrophic Beatings at Golf Courses Nationwide Prince Fielder Has Locker Position Moved Next to Buffet Table A Victory Most Foul: Lady Vols Advance Airing Dirty Laundry What Makes Her Skin Silky and Soft? We Asked Ana, Danica and Other Top Female Athletes A Rod: On British Tailoring My Worst Date Ever by Steve Nash Bush Lifted After One Pitch Outspoken Chad Johnson Now Pushing for Midwest Peace Talks Canseco’s Ex Admits Attraction to A-Rod: “I Have a Thing for Five Tools Guys” Forty-three Seconds of Wholesome Sports TV Accidentally Shown during Porn Channel’s Top Show Eric Byrnes Bolts D-Backs Camp to Join Circus LeBron: “When I Retire I Want to Play For and Attend Ohio State”  Woods Says He’ll Play Rest of Year with Eyes Closed Ana Ivanovic Agrees to Hike Skirt Higher at Sony Ericsson Open Tournament Director Hints that Arnie May Not Be Invited Back for Next Year’s Arnold Palmer Invitational Last Man on Tampa Rays’ Depth Chart was Also Picked Last in Gym Class 25,000 Americans Expected to Lose Mind During March Madness Red Sox Counter Yanks Billy Crystal Move by Signing Dennis Leary and Conan O’Brien Bad Day Gets Worse: Spitzer Arrested for Scalping Courtside Tickets to Federer-Sampras Exhibition Spring Training Update:  A-Rod’s Interminable Crotch Adjustment Now in Third Consecutive Day Favre Cries at Retirement Speech Because He Could No Longer Spell Favre Rockets Teammates Smoke Yao’s Private Stash of Chinese Herbs Used to Treat Season-Ending Foot Injury Identical Twins Freak Out High School Basketball Conference by Posting Identical Stats Chemical Ali Wants One More Bout with Joe Frazier Before Being Executed Bill Buckley’s Shocking Sailing Logs Discovered; Erudite Colloquies by Day, Drinking, Mayhem and Murderous Intent by Night Carmelo Anthony Gets Awkward Stares from Teammates after Playing Rush on Locker Room Sound System Bill James in Love: Recently Found Spreadsheets Reveal Writer’s Unrequited Feelings for Craig Biggio Oscar Winner Planned to Send Cleveland Indian to Refuse his Statue Brian McNamee Now Says He Injected 54 People with HGH and Steroids at Clemens Family Reunion George “Set Shot” Slavish, Only White Harlem Globetrotter, Dies During Unspectacular Open Court Layup It’s Official: NY Knicks Offer Rudy Giuliani Head Coaching Job Randy Moss Lost Twice on Super Sunday John Rocker Celebrates Black History Month by “Reuniting” with the Pips Little League Coach Trades His Son for a Case of Schlitz Shaq to Phoenix Confirmed: Diesel Deleted From D-Wade’s Five Bobby Knight Sends Scores Flying in One Final Ass- Kicking Rampage Pats Players Claim Perfection Over-rated: “Even Gisele Bundchen Isn’t Perfect. Well, Actually, She Is.  Damn. I’m Depressed.” Cloverfield Monster to Battle Barry Bonds in Sequel Goodyear Pimp: Super Bowl Blimp Pilot Arrested for Airborne Ogling of Naked Women North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il to Throw Out First Ball at New Washington Nationals’ Ballpark Knoblauch Subpoenaed for Failing to Respond to Invite; Former All-Star Claims it Didn’t Include RSVP Gisele Bundchen: “If the Pats Lose I’ll Run Naked Though Mid-Town Manhattan” Eccentric Chess Master Bobby Fischer Dies; Finding Pallbearers Difficult as Only Two People Liked Him Marion Jones Vows to Shave Five Seconds Off Six Month Prison Term Tiger Woods – Golf Channel Fallout:  Al Sharpton Literally Comes out of Woodwork While Man is Watching TV Report on Tiger Woods – Golf Channel Fallout NCAA Football: Electoral College to Play School of Hard Knocks Beginning in 2008 Iowa Caucus Degenerates into Confusing Night of Mixed Sports Metaphors; Commentators Undecided Whether Obama’s Victory is a Slam Dunk, a Ground Rule Double or an Opening Round of 69 LA Football Fans Abduct Jack Nicholson, Demand NFL Franchise Within Five Years Bonds’ Balls Drop (and Shrink) to Ring in 2008 Kobe Bryant to Have Arrogance Surgically Removed Roger Clemens Now Denies He Ever Pitched in Majors Michael Vick Slated to Star in Latest Remake of “The Longest Yard The Summer of Love: Addendum to Mitchell Report Cites “Bizarre 60’s Vibe” Created by Bad Batch of Acid-Laced Human Growth Hormone (HGH) Juilliard to Add Football Program in 2010; Renowned Cellist Yo-Yo Ma to Lead Search Committee for Head Coach Three Miami Dolphins Found Accidentally Entangled in Tuna Fisherman’s Net Michael Vick Sentenced to 23 Months and Counseling Under the Watchful Eye of Snoopy Moneyball? Cost-Cutting Athletics Revert Back to Train Travel Mental Health Professionals Summoned to Bring Winless Dolphins Back from Brink Wrong Santana: Garbled Cell Phone Connection Leads to Yankees Inadvertently Signing Carlos Santana In Death, Evel Knievel to Perform Last Spectacular Jump Critics Agree:  Jets vs. Fins Has All the Makings of Komedy Klassik Boston Bruins Issue Formal Apology to Patriots, Red Sox, and Celtics for Not Being Championshippy Ricky Williams: “I’m so Bummed I Could Just Smoke a Bong” Match Fixing Hard to Spot, Prompting Tennis Association to Publish List of “Probable Signs”; Russian Mobsters Occupying a Player’s Box Tops List Former Relief Ace Ugueth Urbina Still in Prison; Says He’s Turned His Life over to L Ron Hubbard Alex Rodriguez Enlists Warren Buffett to Lay Groundwork for Initial Public Offering (IPO) Overly Superstitious Pat Riley Refuses to Brush His Teeth until Heat Reach .500 Notre Dame Wins One for What Remains of the Gipper Bonds in Pinstripes: Manager of Ossining Orioles Makes Pitch for Indicted Slugger Allan Iverson No Longer Rotating with the Earth; On His Own Thirty Degree Angle Simpson Update: O.J. on Cross-Country Crusade to Retrieve Everyone’s Memorabilia Missing Chapter of Valerie Plame Wilson’s Book Discovered; “One Day at a Redskins Game with Dick Cheney” Rams Blame Horrendous Start on Team’s Concern for Well Being of Owen Wilson Forty Eight Year Old Queens Housewife Completes NY Marathon in Eight Hours Without Leaving Apartment Baseball’s Drug Testers Determined to Prevent Leaks Colts Bolt Indy Under Dark of Night to Avoid Playing Patriots Mwaaah! Mwaaaa!! Mwaaaaaa!!! Dolphins’ Brown Said Before Injury in Last Game: “I’m Gonna Play This One Like It’s My Last Game” Sunday Marks NFL’s First Regular Season Game in London; League Commissioner Braces for “Second British Invasion” FOX Taps Tim McCarver to Once Again State Painfully Obvious During World Series Last Chance to Ax Torre Slips From Steinbrenner’s Trembling Hands Sox Fans Flabbergasted to Learn that Manny Ramirez Actually Has a Mental Approach to Playing Baseball New Superbowl Format:  All Music Soul on Ice:  New Documentary to Focus on Little Known Negro Hockey League Joe Torre and Yankees Adopt Siege Mentality in Taking Game Three Mets’ Heartbreaking Season Gets Worse as Mr. Met Admits He Does Porn New Class Action Suit Accuses Thomas and Knicks’ Owner of Creating Hostile Basketball Environment Nineteen Mets Injured in Frenzy of Post-Game Finger Pointing Former Player and Coach Rusty Kuntz’ Last Name Still Considered Too Dirty for Baseball NFL Round Up: Week Three Highlights NFL Commissioner Shocks Bills with Talk of Stiff OJ Fine FellateGate: Belichick Taped Mangini and Wife’s Carnal Pleasures; Prepped Him For Spying on Opposing Teams Al-Qaeda Starts Baseball League; Promises All Players 72 Virgins in Afterlife NFL Week One: Season Starts with a Bang Leaving 46 Dead, Scores Injured Dodger Dog Vendor Blamed for Most of LA’s Heart Disease Georgia Man Still Living NASCAR Cliché; Loves Fried Foods, Schlitz, and the Banjo Andy Rooney Slammed for Slurring Serbian Tennis Players Bucks Sign Yi; Milwaukee’s Fetid “Beijing-Like” Air Quality Seals Deal Marcus Vick Admits to Operating Unlicensed Flea Circus Flight Attendant Bedded the Mick and Spiro; Claims VP Better in the Sack Texas Rangers’ Jarrod Saltalamacchia’s Last Name Makes Teammates Hungry for Italian Disney’s Pluto: Michael Vick Kicked My Ass at Closing Time D-Ray’s Ambidextrous Pitcher Hurls Complete Games in Both Ends of Double Header Man Who Never Heard of TiVO Thinks His Friend is a Sports Psychic It’s Official: LeBron’s Got the World by the Balls Record Breaker Bonds Admits He Took Steroids to Impress Jodie Foster UFC’s Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell Rips Off Opponent’s Head and Dines on Torso More Than Seven Years Later, John Rocker’s Only Regret is “I’m Not More Aryaner” Kevin Garnett Trade Sends Prince, Minneapolis Native and T-Wolves Fan, into Deep Funk Ingmar Bergman Dies; Swedish Filmmaker Leaves Behind Unfinished Script for Unproduced Baseball Movie Cyclist with USA Development Team Suspended for Suspicions of Illegal Drug Use “If I Did It…” : Disgraced Former NBA Ref Tim Donaghy Peddles OJ-Inspired Manuscript WWE Superstar Umaga Confuses Small Crowd By Crashing College Wrestling Meet Eighteen Marauding Quidditch Players Arrested for Sodomizing Patrons at Ten London Pubs Joe DiMaggio’s European Diary Found; Sports Icon a Skinflint in (At Least) Five Currencies Yankees Fall to Last Place, Prompting Vintage Outburst from Boss Bush Learned Last Weekend He No Longer Owns The Texas Rangers Like Elvis, Most People Prefer Thinner Barry The Bronx Is Burning’s John Torturro Channels Billy Martin; Beats Up Reggie Jackson Actor Mike Hargrove's Resignation "Shocking But Not Completely Unexpected" Researchers from University of Chicago Announce New Formula for Re-evaluating  Pre-Steroids Era Baseball Stats Oakmont Lives Up to Reputation for Blood-Curdling Sadism Lou Piniella Tears Zambrano A New A**hole Trash Talking Contestants Roil 80th Annual Spelling Bee David Ortiz Clarifies Statement: “Ok, Ok, Ok, I Hate the Yankees” Michael Vick Accused of Breeding and Selling Sight-Impaired Seeing Eye Dogs Angry Mob of Republican Operatives Storm NBA League Office to Support Suns Players Shaquille O’Neal Taking Off Entire Off-Season Too Yankees Strength Guru Fired for “Philosophical Differences” Twelve Batboys Held for Possession of Performance Enhancing Drugs Brady Quinn Falls to 22nd Pick;  Angry QB Blasts Critics with Passive Aggressive Sarcasm Fans Demand Apology from Don Imus for Embarrassing Display of Public Groveling Barry Bonds Promises To Hit Home Run for Perfectly Healthy, Rich Kid Washington Nationals Mathematically Eliminated From 2007 Pennant Race Bowie Kuhn “Freaked Me Out”: Commissioner’s War on Drugs Exacted Heavy Psychic Toll Iditarod Brought to Halt as Mistreated Dogs Refuse to Run Man Who Went Mad After Chris Webber's Infamous Flub, Still Clinically Insane 25,000 Americans Expected to Lose Mind During March Madness Hollywood Madam Confirms that Tommy Lasorda Bleeds — and "Emits" — Dodger Blue Academy To Add New Category in 2008: Best Performance by an Athlete in a Supporting Role An Inconvenient Ruth Tim Hardaway Says He’s Not Too Enamored With Heterosexuals Either Iranian President Proclaims Jewish Baseball Players “A Myth” Is Ted Williams Father of Anna Nicole’s Baby? NBA Players Exhale as Trading Deadline  Passes Uneventfully Evil Clown Can’t Understand Why He Got Passed Over as Reds New Mascot Red Sox Hurler Matsuzaka To Face Godzilla in First Spring Training Game Minoso Wants to Put Hit Mark Out of Reach NBA’s Most Unathletic Head Coach Suits Up for One Play Former Tour de France Cyclist Actually Forgets How to Ride Bike Seattle Pilots Fan Still Waiting for Autograph Promised Him in 1969 Florida Panthers to Bring NHL Cheerleading on Par with NFL and NBA Male Figure Skater Admits He’s Straight Toothless in Toronto Four Out of Five NASCAR Drivers Depend on DEPEND®  Former NBA Player Says He’s Gay; Ted Haggard’s “Counselors” Disagree Ten Years After Making “The Fan” De Niro Still Obsessed with Bobby Rayburn Man "Lives" in Gym as Family Fortune Goes to Seed Penguins' Six Game Win Streak Allegedly Snapped by Canadiens Jackie Robinson’s Number 42 Tired of Being 'Just a Number' League Denies Head Referee’s Request to Be Relieved of Coin Toss Duties Rice Has Friendly Bet with Iraqi PM; Rice Picks the Colts, al-Maliki Predicts Defeat of Shia Militia in Southern Iraq   One Day After  NFL Commissioner Vows to End “Wild Behavior,” Michael Irvin Elected to Hall Tony Dungy Insists He Was Regular on Last Season of M*A*S*H Peyton Manning May Not Be Poetry in Motion But He’s a Poet in the Huddle Miami Cold Snap Catches Bears with Pants Down; Team Packed for 70+ Degree Weather Goodyear Blimp Pilot Arrested for Airborne Ogling  Bill Parcells to Write Super Bowl Diary for JockStraps Chargers Angry at Patriots for Violating Team Logo; Patriots Mascot Later Found Bound, Gagged, Wearing Lace Panties and Makeup Las Vegas Philharmonic to Perform Music of John Cage at NBA All-Star Game Bush Recuses Himself from BCS Title Game Citing Conflict of Rooting Interest Alien from Cygnus Star System to Break Species Barrier in Baseball Hundreds of Diabetics Protest Outside Sugar Bowl Site President Gerald Ford, Former College Gridiron Star, Played Fast and Loose with Nuclear Football CBS Sports Host James "JB" Brown Seriously Injured Executing Physically Demanding Dance Sequence Rocky's Return Inspires "LollaPalooka"; Former Brawlers to Square Off In Round Robin Bloodbath Knicks Player Who Carried Out Coach’s Order for Hit Prepares for Next Assignment Miami Dolphins Fan Announces Retirement Effective Immediately -- "If Not Sooner" Quasimodo Returns to Notre Dame to Play at Hunchback Family Supports Pettitte’s Return to Yankees; Statement Issued by 12 Year Old Son Approves Deal University of Miami To Axe Sports Program; Will Join Ivy League Wilt Chamberlain's 20,000 Women Banged Finally To Be Honored by NBA Steve Nash Can’t Understand Why His Buzzer Beaters Don’t Dissolve into “That Really Cool Slow Motion” Giants Coach Rallies Downcast Team: “Cheer Up, It Could Be Worse” Freak Injury Relegates Rosenberg to Everyman Status Rangers Satisfied with Quality of Recent Losses New Study Reveals Three Out of Four Referees “Have Feelings” Derek Jeter is “Really F*ckin’ Bummed” He Didn’t Win MVP Turkey Executed at Dawn Wins Camp David Football Pool Pharmacy Technician for CVS Insists He’s Sportscaster for CBS Eight Economics Professors Jailed for Disorderly Conduct at Ohio State-Michigan Game; One Held for Sloppy Research Phillies Sign Fans to Three Year Deal Charlotte Bobcats Continue Search for Identity; Investigators Have Few Leads Top Doctors Say Golden State Warriors Fans Suffer From Freakish Mass Delusion Nine Weeks into Season Colts Undefeated; But Joe Namath "Guarantees" Jets Victory in Week Four Matchup After 57 Years of Marriage, Bobby Bowden’s Wife Finally Admits: "I Don't Understand Football." Renowned Atheist Calls God a "Delusion" —  But is "Very Impressed" with NBA Commissioner David Stern Kim Jong Il Challenges Bush to Staring Contest at Madison Square Garden Expired Driver's License Prevents Stevie Wonder from Driving Relief Pitchers to the Mound in Fall Classic 43 Seconds of Wholesome Sports TV Accidentally Shown During Porn Channel’s Top Show NASCAR Driver Rex Johnson Refuses to Drive on Jewish Holiday Astronomers Demote Yankee Boss from Asteroid to Pocket of Intergalactic Gas Sports Columnist Offically Runs Out of Ideas Man Believes He's Invented New Sport Larry Brown Nixed Offer to Replace Bush's Embattled Chief of Staff	RECENT TOP STORIES Kim Jong Il Challenges Bush to Staring Contest at Madison Square Garden Expired Driver's License Prevents Stevie Wonder from Driving Relief Pitchers to the Mound in Fall Classic 43 Seconds of Wholesome Sports TV Accidentally Shown During Porn Channel’s Top Show NASCAR Driver Rex Johnson Refuses to Drive on Jewish Holiday Astronomers Demote Yankee Boss from Asteroid to Pocket of Intergalactic Gas Sports Columnist Offically Runs Out of Ideas Man Believes He's Invented New Sport Larry Brown Nixed Offer to Replace Bush's Embattled Chief of Staff
HOME | BREAKING SPORTS | BREAKING BALLS | FEATURES | THE SCRUM | JOCKSTRAPS RADIO | FAQ | NEWS ARCHIVE | CONTACT US
Content intended for readers 18 and over. ©2006 The Sportsman's Daily, a divison of The Sportsman's Daily WorldWide, LLC. All material is copyrighted by The Sportsman's Daily WorldWide. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use of material without the permisson of The Sportsman's Daily Wordwide is strictly prohibited.