Sportsman's Daily


Is Ted Williams Father of Anna Nicole’s Baby?

The Frozen Treat: Surprisingly, Splendid Splinter’s Sperm Sprints Spryly

Sperm Swimming

If allegations are proved true, Ted's super sperm is chip off the old block, demonstating superior ability to see the egg and hit the egg. According to former batting champion and sperm donor Rod Carew, "Getting to the egg is the hardest thing to do in sports."

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL (JockStraps Wire Service) — It had to happen. Another hat gets tossed into the ring. Although this hat apparently has a “B” embossed on it. As if the trial taking place in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida wasn’t weird enough, now there’s word that deceased baseball Hall of Famer Ted Williams’ frozen sperm was stolen several months ago and was, allegedly, implanted into Anna Nicole Smith, producing baby Dannielynn.

Howard K. Stern, the man at the epicenter of the trial took it in stride. “I think its mine,” Stern said. “But if it’s Teddy Ballgame’s kid, that’s pretty cool too. Even though I’m a Yankees fan. With those genes, she might have a future in women’s tennis or whatever other sport women can play and earn big bucks. I mentioned tennis right?”

Outgoing Judge Larry Seidlin says he wished now he never removed himself from the bench. “Ted Williams? Man, this thing is really getting bitchin’,” he said. “You think I can still get my book deal?”

Broward County Medical Examiner Joshua Perper is growing frustrated at how long he has to keep Smith’s body on ice. “She’s still sort of hot looking in a horror movie kinda way,” Perper said. “But that’s going to be replaced by a big pile of rot really soon if somebody doesn’t make a decision. Not that any of that matters, but I‘m starting to lose my erection.”

No one is quite sure how Williams’ sperm was stolen. Williams’ daughter Bobby Jo Ferrell was stunned to learn the last hitter to hit .400 even made a deposit in a sperm bank. “I never even heard of daddy ever jacking off into a cup,” she said. “But if he did, I imagine there’d be quite a market for that with eBay and all. That‘s some high quality jizz.”

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