What Makes Her Skin Silky and Soft?
We Asked Ana, Danica and Five Other Top Female Athletes
Indy-pendent! Danica Patrick, a real 21st century gal, sets the pace on and off the track. And she likes her foot cream too.
BOCA RATON, FL (Special to the Sportsman’s Daily) As new TSD staff members began clearing away the last vestiges of the past regime and enjoyed their lattes and freshly baked muffins in the spiced up, swanky new Boca Raton digs of the Sportsman’s Daily, new Editor-in-Chief Victoria Gotch and Executive Editor, Allison Testrake passed out questionnaires to the mostly female staff. What they found surprised them. Their answers nearly matched the responses of the top female athletes. “It’s pretty simple really,” said Gotch. “We asked the ladies what keeps their skin silky and soft.”
“I use Aveeno,” said tennis star Ana Ivanovic.
“I can’t believe Ana uses Aveeno Active Natural Daily Moisturizing Lotion just like me,” said new Sports Romance reporter Cyndi Phelps. “I spend most of my day following the likes of Steffi and Andre. Trust me it’s not as glamorous as it sounds. So to think that someone who earns like one-hundred times the money I make buys off the shelf is like, so cool. Wow!”
The Sportsman’s Daily asked Indy Racing super girl Danica Patrick what one of her little silky skin secrets is. We found out its Rosemary Foot Lotion from Pennington of Bath, a London based company. “When I’m not trying to put one of the guys into the wall, I want to look sexy,” the twenty-six year old driver said. “Those high priced photo shoots can be a real bitch. I want my feet to look great too. I give all the credit to the Shea Butter and the Tocopherol.”
The Williams sisters, Venus and Serena, say they’re developing a new line of stylized creams that will have women around the world thinking differently about stylized creams.
Golfer Michelle Wie reveals that her concoction of choice comes from Singapore and is not available in the United States.
Tennis cutie Maria Sharapova claims her cocktail rinse of Stella Artois, Olive Oil and rose pedals really gets the job done. How decadent Maria!
And Colleen Rey, the former soccer star with the Philadelphia Charge of the now defunct Women’s United Soccer Association and currently a toll taker on the Florida Turnpike near Fort Pierce, says she now buys off the shelf. Colleen adds “I have heard the freshly spilled blood of pre-pubescent boys can work wonders.” Oops, cat’s out of the bag Colleen. Wink wink!
Editorial Note: Today introduces the “new” Sportsman’s Daily, guided by the firm hand of the legendary Victoria Gotch. Once the nation’s leading source for breaking sports satire, TSD will become THE source for news and information serving the growing number of male sports fans with self-professed or latent metrosexual proclivities. More than ever before, males of almost any age are interested in the lives and personal habits of their sports heroes -- what they wear, drive, eat and date. This will be our new focus, filtered through the punishingly detailed perspective of a feminine sensibility. We will continue to write critically about athletes, agents, coaches, owners and fans, but with with considerably more patience and understanding -- and yes, truth be told, with periodic bursts of unprovoked rage.
We hope to earn your continued readership. Not everyone is going to be happy with the change. In fact, a cadre of former top editors (who were summarily dismissed yesterday) have infiltrated the Scrum, TSD’s popular blog, they’ve barricaded themselves in our server room and are using the Scrum to voice their anger and issue demands (as if). We’re doing everything we can to end the stand-off peaceably. We’ve sent in bagels and coffee, two kosher meals, a suppository and three exotic dancers. We are hoping things don't escalate. We will post updates and rebuttals in the Scrum through the day.
The Authors of The Sportsman’s Daily