Sportsman's Daily


Super Bowl Champion to Get Tour through Congressman Henry Waxman’s Nostrils

waxmans with trophy

Snot’s Landing. Henry Waxman is opening up his nostrils to the team that wins it all.

WASHINTON DC (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Sports historians are calling it the dawn of a new tradition in professional football. In what is being heralded as an unprecedented gesture of goodwill with an effort to promote fair play and sportsmanship, California Congressman (D) Henry Waxman will welcome this year’s Super Bowl winner into his flaring nostrils for an extensive tour.
Waxman, a representative from California’s 30th congressional district, and a huge sports fan is looking forward to the day following Super Bowl XLIII when the championship team will greet him on the steps of the U.S. Capitol.  
“I’ve worked tirelessly for the people of my district for well over thirty years,” said the 69 year old Waxman. “But for the life of me, I’ve never been able to put my ample nostrils to any real use. When the tour was suggested to me, I jumped at the chance. I just hope the fellows don’t get lost in there – its’ a hell of a big space.”  
Waxman’s nostrils have never been properly mapped beyond the Sphenopalatine artery, and players will not be permitted to venture beyond that point. No additional lighting or ventilation will be required due to the enormity of the nostril’s entrance way. However, a temporary seating area and snack bar will be erected so that if players tire during the tour, they’ll have a place to rest.
Though the tour is generally seen as non-political, some Republicans on Capitol Hill are criticizing Waxman.
“I have worked with the distinguished gentleman from California for over twenty years,” said Lamar S. Smith, (R) representing Texas’ 21st district. “Yet I have never once been asked into the man’s nostrils. Something smells.”  
But the NFL Player’s Association sees the invitation as added incentive for teams to win the Lombardi Trophy.
“I’m excited,” said Baltimore Ravens Defensive Tackle, Justin Bannan. “I’ve been to Six Flags before, and Yellowstone Park, but I don’t see how you can top this.”
“If we’re lucky enough to win it all, I’ll be able to experience two firsts,” said Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb. “A Super Bowl ring and a walk right down Booger Boulevard.”

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