Sportsman's Daily


With Only Months Left on His Sentence, Vick Says He’ll Miss Prison Food

Parisian Chef Pierre Boudreaux Turned Kitchen Around


OK ladies, chows on! Since chef Pierre Boudreaux’s arrival, the food at Leavenworth has been top notch.

LEAVANWORTH, KS (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Suspended NFL star quarterback Michael Vick admits his stay at the United States Penitentiary at Leavenworth hasn’t exactly been a bowl of cherries, but says the Cherries Flambé has been excellent.

“Fortunately for everyone here, the food has been superb,” said the embattled Vick. “It wasn’t that way when I first started my hitch, but last fall the warden experimented in the culinary exchange program with a French jail. We got Parisian chef Pierre Boudreaux in exchange for Ernie “Adam’s Apple” Plotski, who’s serving a life sentence for double homicide, grand theft auto, and pulling the wings off flies. Boy, did we ever get the better end of the deal. We’re savoring Pierre’s simply exquisite Chateaubriand with Endives au vin accentuated with a to die for Fourme de Montbrison while those poor French prisoners are choking down Plotski’s maggot-riden slop du jour.”

Upon his release later this year, Vick says he plans on hiring his own chef.

“I’ve gotten a little spoiled in here lately,” Vick added, his eyes misting with overwhelming gratitude. “Between my go nowhere eleven-cents-an-hour job, signing autographs for thankless inmates, and sleeping on an uncomfortable cot, my panacea has been the cuisine which I will cherish my entire life thanks to Pierre.”

Warden Adlai Prescott, says the exchange has done wonders for the morale of the prisoners.

“Plotski meant well, but the man had no flair for cooking,” said Prescott. “His Blanquette de Veau was really the pits. Pierre, on the other hand, is a true artist who can whip up a succulent and flaky Mille-Feuille, while in the same breath exhibit the pan-global whimsy to charm the pants off a child molester.”

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