Sportsman's Daily


Turkey Executed at Dawn Wins Camp David Football Pool

VP Dick Cheney narrowly escapes gunshots; two turkeys seen leaving Cheney compound.

President Bush talks turkey

In a happier moment, President Bush talks turkey with "Baker," 18 pound butterball he'd condemned to death at Rose Garden pardon ceremony. Baker, who spent his last twenty-four hours with the First Family at Camp David, won the Presidential football poll by picking all three winning NFL teams.

WASHINGTON, DC (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- Just minutes after President Bush pardoned “Flyer,” the National Thanksgiving Turkey, the President condemned another Turkey, named "Baker," to die. Baker, whose final wish was to spend his last day with the First Famiy, was executed at dawn in a solemn ceremony attended by the President and First Lady.

Given the name “Baker” by the President (because of his likeness to Former Secretary of State James Baker), the garrulous bird proved to be a prescient NFL picker and won the Camp David football pool going away. The President was highly impressed with the bird's football savvy; however, as the afternoon wore on, the bird, obviously feeling full of himself, squawked and trash-talked non-stop. The President who, according to White House staffers has grown increasingly irritable after the recent off-year drubbing administered by the Dems, was not amused.

“While millions of Americans sit down to eat turkey, the President was happy to be talking talking turkey and watching football with an actual 18 pound butterball turkey,” said Josh Bolten, the President’s Chief of Staff. “Unfortunately, Baker got a bit out of hand. At one point, the President, understandably pissed, ordered the wait staff to clear the meat loaf -- which he had the staff prepare at the last moment as a courtesy to his unexpected Thanksgiving guest. The President loudly demanded a round of hot open turkey sandwiches. The bird wasn't happy, but it didn't stop him from crowing about his picks.”

The popular pardon ceremony dates to the days of President Harry Truman in 1947. The condemnation, last wish and execution part was instituted in 1952 by President Dwight Eisenhower.

Update: At Wednesday's Rose Garden pardon ceremony, Vice President Dick Cheney “accidentally” shot and killed Flyer, the Thanksgiving Turkey that Bush had previously pardoned, mistaking it for Barney, the President’s dog, who earlier in the day shat in Lynne Cheney’s string bean casserole. Yesterday, the VP narrowly escaped several gunshots that interrupted his Thanksgiving dinner. Two turkeys were seen leaving the scene. No arrests have been made.

» Read More Football Articles


The Authors of The Sportsman’s Daily

Charles Epstein Headshot


TSD Editor-In Chief and TSD Weekend Show co-host.
Read bio

Tom Alexander Headshot


TSD Executive Editor and TSD Weekend Show host.
Read bio

Angelo Vecchio


DC's Foremost Authority on His Own Opinion
Read bio

Angelo Vecchio


Helsinki Rinki with Katie Rinki
Read bio