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| Pre-draft ritual. This undated photo shows Todd McShay is no stranger to the age-old maneuver of sticking his finger down his throat to let loose those pre-draft butterflies. But, he saved his best upchucking for last...apparently. |
NEW YORK, NY (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) Just days after the final pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, ESPN commentator and draft specialist Todd McShay was found dead, face down in a pool of vomit, most likely his own, in a New York hotel room. Hotel maids found McShay, 33, lying on the floor of his room at the Benjamin Hotel, naked, with his draft notes stuffed in his mouth. They offered him the morning newspaper, but he did not respond.
According the NYPD coroner, McShay either died from acute asphyxiation, or snorting regurgitated chunks of the prime rib smothered in mushrooms he had enjoyed the night before in the company of friends. McShay’s body showed signs of trauma, including rope burns on his neck, and slap marks on his buttocks. Police would not say whether Mel Kiper Jr., McShay’s colleague and sometime rival, is considered a suspect. They did, however, find an inordinate amount of Brylcreem “Power Hold," a hair gel known to be Kiper’s go-to product for draft day, fueling media speculation.
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“I don’t wanna say Mel’s guilty,” said ESPN anchor Scott Van Pelt. “But I have to say things had been getting heated between those two during on-air interviews. Kiper just seemed incredibly angry and over-defensive,” said Van Pelt.
People close to McShay weren’t surprised at the speculation. “Todd’s always been scared of that dude,” said former McShay colleague
Johnny Pallino. “Kiper was always telling Todd how much his draft board sucked and that he wouldn’t last in this business, ‘one way or another’ as he put it,” said Pallino. “That really freaked McShay out.”
“I think Mel feels that we were grooming Todd to become his successor, and Mel was not ready go,” said an ESPN executive who declined to give his name. “Of course, that’s not really true. We liked having Todd juxtaposed with Mel because we’ve had ratings success with shows during which commentators scream at each other,” he continued. “Look at Around the Horn, it’s basically a collection of hack sportswriters arguing about nothing, but people love it!”
Mel Kiper Jr. continues to voraciously proclaim his innocence. “I had nothing to do with Todd winding up face down in a puddle of his own sick,” said Kiper. “Was he a little snot-nosed punk whose entire career was made possible by me? Absolutely - but I didn’t kill the guy.
Kiper has even released his own “Big Board” of possible suspects in the McShay slaughter. Kiper lists Roger Clemens, former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, and the Reverend Jeremiah Wright as his “best available” suspects.
“Roger Clemens,” said Kiper, in his familiar draft-style delivery, “is a known felon. And at 6 foot 4, 240 pounds he’s got the size and strength to do the job. Recent history tells us he’s capable of anything,” said Kiper. “As a ranch owner, Clemens has easy access to rope,” added Kiper. “Eliot Spitzer - now here’s a guy with the motive and geographical proximity to do it. Todd probably saw Spitzer with a hooker and boom – lights out for Todd.”
On the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Kiper offered: “Reverend Wright. Big guy, a lot of energy, and not too enamored with white people. Also enjoys the sport of curling.”
The NYPD has vowed to bring the perpetrator to justice. “The NYPD,” said Police Commissioner Ray Kelly, “is on the clock.”
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