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Woods Says He’ll Play Rest of Year with Eyes Closed

On Heels of Bay Hill Victory, World’s Number One Wants to Make it Fair

Tiger Woods

Closed Eyes of the Tiger. Tiger senses where his 70 foot putt is going and awaits the crowd’s wild cheering. “It sounded like a good putt,” said Woods.

ORLANDO, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — After sinking a twenty-four foot birdie putt at the Arnold Palmer Invitational on Sunday to capture the event at Bay Hill near Orlando, Tiger Woods says he now wants to make it fair.

Woods has gone 4-0 so far in 2008 and many wonder if the world’s best golfer will ever lose. “He’s in a zone right now where he’s untouchable,” said Bart Bryant, who Woods edged out for the tournament. “I played the best golf of my life and he probably had his B game, somebody’s got to do something.”

That somebody is Woods himself, as the 32 year old golfer pledged to play the rest of the year with his eyes closed. The stunning revelation came after Sunday’s match ended.

“The disappointment in this room is palpable,” said Woods. “I realize people want competition. And so I have decided to give it to them. Therefore for the remainder of 2008, I will play every shot with my eyes firmly shut. That includes all four majors. I will of course have to open them when I’m walking from shot to shot so I don’t trip on a sprinkler or the guy who holds up the ‘quiet’ sign or something.”

“It makes sense to me,” said golf legend Jack Nicklaus, who knows what it’s like being number one. “On several occasions from about 1967 to 1972 I was approached by a number of golfers, and I won’t tell you who, about playing blindfolded. I regret now that I chose not to do it. Once again, Tiger’s blazing trails I could only dream about.”

The PGA is reviewing the matter to see if Woods decision violates any rules. “We don’t think it’s a problem,” said Brian Whitcomb, PGA President. “Personally, I’d like to see it. It might start a new trend. Although some guys on the tour will tell you they’ve been scoring recently like they’re playing with their eyes closed. Oh baby, did I just zing Phil Mickelson? Ha ha ha!!”

“Maybe I’d better come clean,” added Woods. “Closing my eyes isn’t going to change a thing. Back on Krypton we can see right through our eyelids. But seriously, good luck to all of you.”

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