Sportsman's Daily


Man Produces Actual 10 Foot Pole He Wouldn't Use for Intercourse

sexy dancer

A friendly neighbor shows versatility of a 10 foot umbrella pole

SEATTLE, WA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) -- “I wouldn’t fuck her with a ten foot pole.” How many times have those words been uttered over the course of time? Probably about as many times as the classic female rejoinder, “I wouldn’t fuck you if you had a ten foot pole.”

Darren Ferguson, a 26 year old bank clerk, took the expression several steps further when he paid an unexpected visit to the home of co-worker Debbie Rowland, awkwardly carrying a ten foot pole.

“What kind of idiot shows up at your doorstep carrying a ten foot pole?” Rowland asked. “I barely even know the guy.”

According to bank sources, Ferguson was out drinking after work with five or six colleagues, when the conversation turned to the seemingly alarming prospect of having sex with the ungainly Ms. Rowland, whose lisp, facial hair, filmy green eyes, buck teeth, and large, amorphous frame, has made her a slow-moving target for office-wide ridicule.

“I think it was me that got it started, saying Rowland was Darren’s type,” said Arthur Lennox, a bank employee. “I thought he took it in good fun. I didn’t realize he was so sensitive. I mean, let’s face it: no one, not even Darren, would tap that with a twenty foot pole, let alone one half that size.”

Determined to show his colleagues the lengths he’d go to not fuck her, Ferguson left the bar later that evening, stole a 10 foot umbrella pole from a neighbor’s patio and proceeded to Rowland’s townhouse across town.

“I don’t know what got into me, it’s completely out of character,” said Ferguson, who thanked Rowland for not pressing charges. “It could have been really embarrassing if her neighbor didn’t come out at that very moment. There I am, standing there like an idiot when she goes – ‘hey, is that a ten foot pole in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?’ Amazing what a ten foot poll brings out in some girls.”

Ferguson later returned the pole to his neighbor Leon Bedfellow, a bit worse for wear. Bedfellow was not amused. “Let Darren know that he can use our pole anytime -- after I ram it up his ass umbrella-end first – completely on the house,” said Bedfellow, visibly brightening at the thought.

For Ferguson – certainly for Ferguson’s ten foot pole and the woman it pleasured – the story has a happy ending.

“Yeah, in the end it all worked out, though it was’t right what we did to Debbie. She doesn’t deserve that…though I’d be lying if I told you I find her attractive. Between you and me, I wouldn’t fuck her with Lennox’s dick.”

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