Sportsman's Daily

 

Dozens Misinterpret Double Meaning in Taylor Made Promotion, Leading to Catastrophic Beatings at Golf Courses Nationwide

Tailor made driver

Taylor Made CGB driver used to tee off on company reps.

FARMINGDALE, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — “Get the clubs the pros are using on us,” screams the ad from Taylor Made, a California-based manufacturer of golf clubs. Yesterday, the national promotional campaign took a horrible turn when its meaning was catastrophically misinterpreted by scores of literal-minded golfers eager to give the clubs a try. Brandishing an assortment of irons and fairway metals from Taylor Made’s new CGB Max Golf Set, golfers proceeded to “use” them on unsuspecting Taylor Made sales reps staging demos at golf courses around the country. Beatings were reported at some of the nation’s best known courses, including Heron Bay in South Florida, Bethpage on Long Island, and Pebble Beach in California.

“Thanks to our patented SuperFast Technology, which reduces total club weight while promoting faster swing speed for added distance, none of the injuries were life-threatening, “said company spokesman Joshua Blank. “I shudder to think what would have happened if patrons opted for Callaway or Nike or Tommy Armour clubs – their added clubhead weight would have caused untold carnage.”

A Callaway representative took issue with Blank’s characterization of his company’s clubhead technology.

“While that may be true, the Taylor Made clubs are based on Inverted Cone Technology , which expands the high COR zone to promote higher ball speed on off-center hits for more distance,” said Callaway’s Barney Allen. “In other words, you don’t have to be a scratch golfer to make solid contact with someone’s head. Put a Taylor Made club in the hands of any weekend hacker and you’re basically begging for trouble.”

A number of patrons who demoed the clubs offered apologies for misunderstanding the meaning of Taylor Made’s promotion, though most liked the clubs’ feel and responsiveness.

“I’ve used a set of customized Arnold Palmers for three years, but the CGB’s are more forgiving thanks to the tungsten weights, which increases their MOI and improves their stability,” said Nick Farrell, a 5 handicap who put a Taylor Made rep in the hospital using a CGB fairway metal. “I once used a Palmer five iron on some asshole who took a call when I was lining up a putt. He got the message, but trust me, if it was a new Taylor Made they would have had to airlift him to the nearest intensive care unit.”

Blank has vowed to change the language in their current promotion to prevent further misunderstandings.

“We’ll take full responsibility for what happened. You can’t blame the golfers who, in their zeal, wanted to sample the clubs the pros use. I’ve been around long enough to know that if you tell a golf nut that said clubs are used by Curtis Strange or Vijay Singh, they’re going to want to give them a try. Golfers are very impressionable. If Tiger told them to jump off Hogan’s Bridge, groundskeepers at Augusta would be pulling these idiots out of the pond year-round.”

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