Sportsman's Daily


Spring Training Update: Sully Tells Yankees to Shove It; Won’t Be Their Exclusive Pilot

Kevin Costner

Deep Fly. Sully says he won’t pilot the Yankees or any other team.

TAMPA, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) With all the hype surrounding the New York Yankees this spring with the A-Rod scandal as well as criticism regarding their latest high-priced acquisitions, the team received another piece of bad news. Captain Chelsey B. “Sully” Sullenberger, the pilot who last month heroically landed his jet in the Hudson River saving everyone onboard, has told the New York Yankees “Shove it.”

The generally mild-mannered, unflappable Sully stepped up to a makeshift podium at the Yankees spring training facility and made a brief and direct statement. “No friggin’ way,” the veteran flyer said. “With all their money, if they run into trouble in the skies, they should be able to land the damn thing themselves. Now, if there’s nothing else, I’ve got a plane to land.”

In the all of the years professional baseball teams have been using air travel, there has never been a major incident.

“All the teams have qualified pilots. We have qualified pilots,” said Yanks owner Hank Steinbrenner. “But we’re the Yankees dammit. Don’t we deserve the best? Hell, we offered this guy a boat load of cash, and an incentive-laden contract. He’d get an extra 100 G’s if he can land us in left field at Fenway.”

But Sully was adamant and says he will not entertain any other offers, however he did find the proposal from the Pittsburgh Pirates “interesting.”

It was also reported that the Kansas City Royals offered to pay Sully handsomely if they would fly in their opponents using various rapid drop methods to ensure optimum air sickness virtually securing a Royals victory.

“This has been some kind of adventure I’ve been on,” added Sully. “Jeez, you make rapid, life altering decisions at two-thousand feet, dump into the Hudson, and oversee the well being of 155 people and you’re labeled for life.”

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