Sportsman's Daily


Steelers’ Santonio Holmes Breaks with Tradition; Says He’s Going to Six Flags Over Georgia

Santonio Holmes

I’m going to Six Flags biotch! Steelers star Santonio Holmes turns the tables on the Disney Corporation.

TAMPA, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) In a fourth quarter battle for the ages, Super Bowl XLIII certainly wasn’t the Pittsburgh blowout some prognosticators predicted. Instead, many of the Steelers were literally biting their nails in the closing seconds before finally coming away with a 27-23 victory.  Game MVP Santonio Holmes however may have some explaining to do as the longtime Super Bowl tradition of the MVP boldly proclaiming “I’m going to Disney World” was replaced by “I’m hangin’ with my boys at Six Flags Over Georgia” – much to the shock of the Walt Disney Corporation.

“I can’t believe this prick,” said beloved Disney character Goofy. “Somebody must have gotten to him – somebody with some serious jack to have had him pull a stunt like this. Mickey and Donald and Pluto and I were set to welcome him with open arms, and now this. We’re shattered. Mickey in particular is taking it hard and has started drinking again. That’s something nobody needs to see, because he’s an angry, ugly drunk.”

Sports Business Analyst Ben Visser sees the Holmes move as groundbreaking. “For the first time, we’re seeing someone with the testicular fortitude to turn their backs on the mega corporate monster, and go with a successful, albeit slightly small size corporate monster,” said Visser. “I see it as a shrewd, political move in these challenging economic times. It’s a message that says ‘I still want to have a good time, but instead of driving a Bentley, I’m driving a Maserati.’ That may not mean much to the average Tom, Dick, and Harry – but to corporate America, it speaks volumes.”

But Holmes sees if differently. “I like things on the down low,” the 25 year old wide receiver said. “Six Flags offers excitement without all the fanfare. I’d much rather chill with the Looney Tunes characters than Mickey and his posse. Bugs (Bunny) is one funny ass dude who has no shortage of prime ladies on his arm. A different honey every night – know what I’m sayin’?”

Though Holmes impulsive endorsement shell game is the first in Super Bowl history, it is not without precedent in sports. In 1968, basketball star Connie Hawkins of the ABA champion Pittsburgh Pipers, stunned local amusement park owner Carmine Fabrizio and hundreds of waiting children by bypassing his Happy Times Carnival for a strip club and  uttered, “I’m going to get laid!”

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