Sportsman's Daily


Ron Jeremy Named Celebrity Head Linesman at Super Bowl; Looking Forward to Making Fourth and Inches Call

Ron Jeremy

Deep Thoughts. An introspective Ron Jeremy contemplates what he’s left the world. “I’ve got more to give,” he told TSD last October.

TAMPA, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) The NFL announced today that porn legend Ron Jeremy will serve as the official celebrity Head Linesman for Super Bowl XLIII in Tampa. Though Jeremy will have no real authority in the game, the star will get to make several “calls” on the sideline to an auxiliary camera.

“I’ve always loved football,” said the 55 year old Queens, New York native and star of over 1,900 adult films. “I’m sincerely moved by the NFL’s decision to include me in some small way. If it’s fourth and inches, I can hardly wait to yank out Mr. Roderick Headstrong (his 9.75 inch penis) and measure it off.”

Jeremy’s prodigious career in adult films includes directing 275 motion pictures to date, a total far surpassing the combined output of Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, Stephen Spielberg and Spike Lee.

“It’s clear to me with that kind of work ethic that the question of Mr. Jeremy’s stamina is a non-issue,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “This guy can strap it on and get it done – so to speak.”

“The thing with Ron is his versatility,” said longtime manager Rusty Cox. “You can have the guy be the Grand Marshall of a parade in the afternoon, measure off yardage in a football game with his penis in the early evening, and blow himself in the middle of the night. You just don’t get that kind of breadth from today’s porn stars.”

Jeremy amended his manager’s statement slightly by indicating he can no longer “autofellate” himself.

“Yeah, due to recent weight gain, I can only kiss the tip of it now,” said Jeremy. “Kind of gives me incentive to drop a few pounds, eh?”

For the record, Jeremy predicts the Steelers will defeat the Cardinals 35-24 and he’ll be able to sleep with at least five cheerleaders.

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