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What a dick! Baseball bad boy Roger Clemens will soon add this puppy to his trophy case. The Bronze Dick has been won by such baseball dignitaries as Denny McLain and Al Campanis. Barry Bonds is the only two-time winner.
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HOUSTON, TX (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Seven time Cy Young Award winning pitcher Roger Clemens has received the coveted Bronze Dick Award. The award, known by many as the Chubby, is given annually to the Major League player who best exemplifies the dickish qualities of arrogance, denial, and megalomaniacal behavior. “I’m so honored,” said Clemens holding back tears, “I know just where I’m going to stick this.”
It was announced Monday that Clemens had a ten year affair with country singer Mindy McCready. The relationship apparently started in 1991 when McCready was fifteen. Clemens admits to knowing McCready, but says the relationship was not sexual.
Either way, Clemens once again, has a lot of explaining to do.
“This guy is in full blown denial,” said television pop-psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw. “Although maybe ‘blown’ isn’t the most appropriate of terms in this matter. Roger seems to be living a double life without acknowledging the other. Not exactly the sports world’s model citizen, but a blue-chip candidate for CIA work.”
McCready told a small group of reporters in Nashville she’s thrilled for Clemens. “I heard about Roger winning the Chubby and I’m elated,” said the gold record winning singer. “He works so hard at what he does, whatever that might be these days. He really comes off as a total dick, and it’s obviously paid off.”
“If you read between the lines in Ms. McCready’s statement she said ‘total’ dick,” added McGraw. “That’s significant. Some run-of-the-mill, part time dick isn’t going to win a Chubby. According to the Bronze Dick people I spoke with, you’re not even considered if you’re categorized anything below a ‘real’ dick. A ‘complete’ dick is very close to a ‘total’ dick. I, for example have been called a ‘giant’ dick, but only in certain situations. I doubt I’ll win the award anytime soon.”
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