John Rocker Celebrates Black History Month by “Reuniting” with the Pips
Former Relief Pitcher Vows to change Racist Ways; Begins with Unusual Gesture
This Pip’s a Trip. John Rocker, dressed in a gown on loan from Gladys Knight, is the new diva and guitar playing virtuoso touring with the Pips.
ATLANTA, GA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Former Atlanta Braves relief pitcher John Rocker who eight years ago in pages of Sports Illustrated made several remarks that were considered racist, sexist and anti-gay, says he’s a changed man. Rocker claims he's out to prove it this time and will begin by polishing up his musical chops and perform with legendary Motown vocal group, the Pips. Normally associated with singer Gladys Knight, the Pips are instead teaming up with the former left handed hurler. Rocker will replace the sixty-three year old singing diva for a series of concerts to be held in southern states.
“I’m excited,” said Rocker. “With this being black history month and all, people will finally see I’m serious about getting my life and career back on track.” Rocker’s statements in 2000 were front page news for weeks. His career declined rapidly after the article was published. It should be noted that Rocker’s career comeback will be in music, not baseball. “Yeah, I’m though with that. Deciding on whether to throw a cut fast ball or a change up to Ryan Howard in the ninth can’t beat the feeling of groovin’ in the pocket with my boys, the Pips.” Rocker added. “People will see, I can sing, and I play a pretty mean guitar which I’m hoping will lead to an endorsement deal with Ernie Ball guitar strings.”
“It’s a little bizarre,” said Rocker’s music manager Calvin Bernard, who’s African-American. “We’re really not sure what all this is about. But that fella can sing and he’s beginning to explore the outer reaches of the guitar’s possibilities. It’s very innovative. What he’s doing is going beyond your garden variety two-handed tapping technique employing altered scales and modal motifs. He’s discussed with me privately the possibility of a whole new synergy with the guitar. Eight years ago, this guy’s busting my people’s balls, and now he’s surveying a musical universe that would have Frank Zappa and Dmitri Shostakovich scratching their heads.”
But it’s with the Pips that Rocker believes he can reach across the great generational and racial divide and communicate with the masses. “Yeah, it’s a start,” added Bernard referring to Rocker’s attempt at repairing the hurt he inflicted. “But what’s really going to be interesting is to see if in the middle of Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me he suddenly kicks on the wah-wah pedal and launches into an eight minute Mixolydian feedback-infused solo that has the stoners bouncing off the rafters and the so-called shredders in the audience deliberating over whether they should keep playing or give it all up and sell car insurance.”
The Authors of The Sportsman’s Daily