Sportsman's Daily


Ricky Williams: “I’m so Bummed I Could Just Smoke a Bong”

Dolphins Teammates Fear Injured Running Back’s Latest Proclamation


Third and Bong. Miami Dolphins’ running back Ricky Williams is no stranger to this device. Teammates are worried he may return to the open end of this puppy now that he once again has plenty of down time.

MIAMI, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Talented, but often troubled Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams sent shivers down the backs of teammates, team officials, and his agent after the shoulder injury he suffered in Monday night’s game against Pittsburgh shut him down for the rest of the season. However, it wasn’t the injury that worried everyone, it was what Williams might do next. And when Williams announced to a small group of reporters that “I’m so bummed I could just smoke a bong,” the panic button went off.

The thirty year old running back has a long history of violating the NFL’s drug policy - an unfortunate fact that has kept one of the game’s most talented players out of the league for the better part of the last four seasons.

“Ricky loves marijuana,” said veteran linebacker Zach Thomas. “There are a variety of ways he enjoys partaking of the herb – water bongs, twistin’ a spliff, baking it into one pastry or another, and hollowing out a pear then creating his own fruity bowl and dropping the weed in there for a tasty, earthy, sweet and cool draw. The best part about that is, the second you get the munchies, you just eat the whole fuckin’ thing. Not that I condone that type of behavior.”

Dolphins Head Coach Cam Cameron expressed concern that Williams might indeed fill his new found free time with extra curricular activities which might include smoking pot. “Look, I know how it goes,” Cameron said. “You call your hook up from a pay phone and talk about this or that, then use the usual code words for the exchange to take place in the parking lot of a White Castle. Then you spend the better part of the evening extracting seeds from the shit before rolling a fatty, tossing on some Credence and watching The Hellstrom Chronicle before the pizza guy shows up at your door as you scramble frantically for a couple of crunched up singles to tip the poor bastard.”

Williams conceded that Cameron’s extra curricular timeline was essentially accurate with the obvious exception of Kanye West replacing Credence, and Barbershop II instead of The Hellstrom Chronicle.

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