Prince Fielder Has Locker Position Moved Next to Buffet Table
A meal fit for a Prince. Brewer’s slugger Prince Fielder has some serious eating to do. And he’ll get first crack at this bad boy.
MILWAUKEE, WI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Milwaukee Brewers rotund slugger Prince Fielder has asked Director of Clubhouse Operations Tony Migliaccio to have his locker moved along side of the team’s buffet table. “I had to walk past Bill Hall, JJ Hardy, and a slew of reporters just to get to the damn sausages, meatballs, pasta and chicken,” Fielder bemoaned. “By the time I got there it was picked over and breathed on – drops of spittle from Lord knows who. That’s bullshit. But no more.”
“Prince is one of the leaders of this ball club,” said manager Ned Yost. “He’s a star in this town – a very large star. And with a professional eater of Prince’s stature…well, let’s just say I wouldn’t want to get in his way when he’s fixin’ to get his chops around a plate of Veal Scaloppini.”
Near the end of last season, Brewers second baseman Rickie Weeks nearly lost a hand when he attempted to spear a random skirt steak Fielder had been eyeing up. Fielder had already unhinged his jaw and lunged at the slab of meat when Weeks inadvertently crossed his path. “I managed to pull my hand away from his mouth just in time,” Weeks said, still visibly shaken from the event that occurred seven months ago. “Don’t get me wrong, Prince is a hell of nice guy, but when he’s chowin’ down, just step away.”
“There’s an intensity to this guy,” said teammate Corey Hart deliberately searching for the proper words to describe Fielder’s persona. “You see it when he’s at the plate. You see it when he’s back handing a sharp liner. You see it when he devours a porterhouse steak with mushrooms and onions. First, the plate flies across the room – discarded as an unnecessary luxury. Then, for those few fortunate souls who have witnessed this artistry of appetite, a very focused and devoted method of eating follows. There’s an almost ancient, simple beauty to it. As if a lion has flushed a rabbit from its hiding place, and torn its fragile, furry body to shreds. Now, isn’t that what baseball is all about?”
The Authors of The Sportsman’s Daily