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Family Supports Pettitte’s Return to Yankees; Statement Issued by 12 Year Old Son Approves Deal

Andy Pettitte

Andy Pettitte caves to family pressure and signs with Yankees. Wife, four children and apparently God are relieved to have him out of the house.

DEER PARK, Tex (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) — When the veteran left-hander Andy Pettitte, 34, became a free agent after going 14-13 in 2006, he expected that his wife and children would make him retire from baseball. But two weeks after the season ended, with Andy away on a weekend hunting trip, his wife Laura gathered the family – Joshua, Jared, Luke and Lexy – and their advisors to discuss the veteran pitcher’s future. After four hours of intense discussion, it was decided that husband, father and devout Christian Andy Pettitte would return for a year, at $14-16 million per, with an option for a second year.

“Our goal, as always, is to determine what’s best for the Pettitte family, and, of course, what’s best for Andy Pettitte, ” said Joshua Pettitte in a press release issued just before the announcement of his father’s signing. At 12 Joshua is the eldest Pettitte sibling. “Right now, with veteran pitching talent at a premium, we’d be foolish not to extend Dad another year, maybe two, depending on the status of his arm and general market conditions. We thought 14-16 million was a reasonable range. We were undecided on where – do we stay in Houston, return to NY, weigh other offers in other cities? Ultimately NY seemed the best fit.”

“I’ve been blessed with a great family that has supported me every step of the way," said Pettitte. "To tell you the truth I would have just as well hung it up as pitch another inning, but they're the ones making the sacrifices. I’m sometimes on the road weeks at a time. Other dads are there to help with the homework or drive the kids to their games. So yeah, it’s nice to re-sign with the Yankees, and the money is good, but people don’t fully understand the human element. For every plus there’s a minus.”

“Last I counted there were 16 million plusses,” Joshua retorted through his spokesman Herb Klein. “And as far as dad being around to help with the homework, please. Give him the ball every four, five days, and we’re all happy. He’s out of the house and we don’t have to pretend he’s really helping with the homework. Just to give you an idea – from time to time he wanders into my room late at night and asks, ‘so, two trains leave the station, they are going at what speed?’ Does that sound like someone who needs to be home more than six months out of the year?”

Family friend and pastor James Sinclair, who attended the 20 minute news conference held at a public golf course in Deer Park, was happy for Pettitte and his family, but was visibly taken aback when Pettitte claimed that New York is “where God wants me and where he’s put me this year.”

“Andy Pettitte is a good man. If he said God wants him in pinstripes I’m sure that’s what he heard God say. But I heard Him say otherwise. In fact just a week ago He agreed that for Andy, Andy’s family and the Astros, staying in Houston made the most sense. But I suppose everyone is entitled to a change of heart. Either that or my personal relationship with God is not as personal as I was lead to believe. As Freud once said, sometimes voices are just voices.”

The fate of Pettitte’s close friend and former teammate Roger Clemens is also the subject of intense discussion among the Clemens family. As has become family custom, Clemens will leave home for 24 hours as his wife and children discuss whether or not to support another lucrative short-term pitching contract; a white plume of smoke indicates their approval, a black plume indicates it’s time to call it a career, while a blue-ish-grey plume indicates the house is on fire and he should call 911 immediately.

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