Sportsman's Daily

 

S.F. Giants’ AT&T Park in Foreclosure

Ed McMahon

Night of the Cost-of-Living Ed. Ed McMahon feels the Giants’ pain as he’s living a highly publicized foreclosure nightmare himself. He’ll be back, right after this word from ALPO

SAN FRANCISCO, CA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) —The American foreclosure crisis has hit baseball. As new parks seemed to be springing up on a daily basis and construction was surpassing demand, it was only a matter of time before the first park would crumble under the financial pressure. AT&T Park is the first to fall victim. “Well this sucks,” said Peter McGowan, Managing General Partner of the San Francisco Giants. “I guess the team can move back to Candlestick.”

Fortunately for McGowan, the team has been given a grace period until the end of the season to come up with the money, which is good news for him as he’s leaving his post October 1st.

It’s not certain what specifically led to the park being in foreclosure, but McGowan did admit a series of unfortunate circumstances may have contributed. “Well, my nephew Timmy needed braces, and I didn’t have the four g’s sitting around the house. Plus, this is the Bay Area, have you seen the price of gas out here? Sheesh!! I’m glad I’m passing this whole nightmare onto my successor.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of a pain in the ass, but I guess I can scrounge up about nine hundred million,” said Bill Neukom, former Microsoft Chief Legal Officer, the man slated to take over as the Giants’ new Managing General Partner in October.

Conrad Seagrave-Daley, a spokesperson for the new ownership group said, “Thank Christ Mr. Neukom was making a mint at Microsoft. Hell, nine hundred million? That kind of jack falls out of his pants pockets into the sofa cushions while he’s banging the babysitter.”

In the meantime, for the balance of the 2008 season, in order to offset growing costs the Giants will implement several new policies. Under the new guidelines, not only will fans have to throw back foul balls, they have to bring a new one with them. Players have to arrange for their own transportation, and the bottled water will be watered down.

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