Sportsman's Daily


Old Greek Guy Vows to Cite One Sports Contribution Greece has Made since Ancient Olympics

greek guy

A Greek Shall Inherit the Earth; At least according to this guy.

ATHENS, GREECE (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) It’s a clear case of ‘what have you done for me lately?’ And the Greeks are hearing about it. After creating the original Olympic Games in approximately 776 B.C., most Greeks admit they’ve rested on their laurels ever since; at least in terms of contributing to the sports world. But Spyros Papadimitriou insists his country has indeed made a contribution.

“I know we came up with something,” the 84 year old Papadimitriou said through an interpreter to a small contingent of mostly British reporters. “I’ll have to get back to you on that. But I suspect the game may involve a ball and possibly some sheep.”
Greece was the host of the 2004 Summer Games in Athens when the Olympics returned to their homeland for the first time since 1896 (not counting the unofficial 1906 Athens Intercalated Games). But critics argue the country was merely hosting the well-established existing games, and not really offering anything new in the area of sports.
Pressed for a definitive answer, the increasingly agitated Papadimitriou vowed to unearth the elusive sport he maintains the Greek people invented well after the Olympics.
“I hope you people don’t think I’m joking – that I’m just some crackpot looking for his fifteen minutes,” he added. “The sport exists, and I’ll find it. Oh, and by the way, thanks for completely destroying the true spirit of the Olympic Games with your ersatz television back stories, nauseating commercialism and multi-million dollar sponsorships. In the original games the winners were awarded olive wreaths, palm branches, and woolen ribbons, and believe me they were grateful. If they weren’t grateful they got their balls chopped off by two guys who were half goat.”  

As the press corps began to disperse, Papadimitriou’s impassioned plea quickly turned into a tour de force of Hellenic nationalism.
“OK look. We’ve been a little slow in that area the past 2,700 years or so. I take it the Olympics, democracy, the alphabet, theatre, and western philosophy just aren’t enough for you people, huh?” he added, the sarcasm bubbling over like a brimming carafe of ouzo. “I guess in that big book of credits and debits filed under global gift-giving we owe you one, right? Well, fuck you! Our people were exploring the farthest reaches of the human intellect, performing surgery, and installing elaborate sewer systems nearly 5,000 years ago, while most of you people were trying to figure out what your dicks were for.”

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