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Simpson Update: O.J. on Cross-Country Crusade to Retrieve Everyone’s Memorabilia

Troubled Former NFL Star Eyes Game-Worn Jerseys of Franco Harris, Larry Czonka, and Eric Dickerson

OJ Simpson

Back it up over here fellas! These are orders O.J. Simpson barks to the two man crew assisting The Juice as they make their memorabilia-pilfering cross-country journey.

LAS VEGAS, NV (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) —O.J. Simpson is on the run again – in a manner of speaking. Amid mounting legal battles, the troubled Hall of Fame running back has decided to devote the rest of his life to retrieving as much memorabilia as humanly possible. After attempting to get back a veritable treasure trove of footballs, photos, jerseys, and shoes representing his own career, Simpson is now on a traveling roadshow of sorts with two other men attempting to snatch significant hauls of artifacts that belonged to other players from, who Simpson calls, “unscrupulous roadside carnival men.”

“Right now we’re focusing on the 1970s and 80s,” he said. “There’s a cup and jockstrap Earl Campbell wore from the Monday night game he played against Pittsburgh in ’79 that I’d like to sniff out.”

Simpson, who was found not guilty in the highly publicized Nicole Brown Simpson-Ronald Goldman murder trial in 1995, was arrested in September on multiple charges, including robbery with a deadly weapon, first-degree kidnapping, and conspiracy to commit robbery. As Simpson awaits trial, he’s making the most of his time and insists he’s doing this for the players, and not for profit. “In this case I believe him,” said Harry Zimmerman, a respected, longtime Las Vegas area memorabilia dealer. “I haven’t seen or heard of one cent exchanging hands. For some reason The Juice just feels an overwhelming compulsion to right some wrongs. I can’t imagine why.”

But in recent days, Simpson has become so obsessed with staging his memorabilia capers, he’ll now take whatever he can get. “It’s weird,” said Gladys Zabosky, 78, of nearby Henderson, Nevada. “It was about 5:30...I just got back from the early-bird special at Taylor’s Family Restaurant and was all settled in ready to watch Everybody Love Raymond when down came the front door and there was O.J. dressed like Robin Hood, tights and all, with a handful of trinkets, chachkes, doo-dads, and whatzits insisting they belonged to me. One was a porcelain statue of Bobby Vinton with a clock in its belly. Then he claimed he had the long-lost six-inch figurine of St. Francis of Assisi my brother Ray had given me in 1958. My brother’s name is Stan, and he ain’t Catholic.”

Though Simpson is no stranger to being at the epicenter of strange and often horrific events, this may prove to be the most bizarre and, perhaps, most memorable. “The thought of O.J. riding shotgun on some kind of latter-day horse and buggy wearing lime green tights waving around a Franco Harris jersey and a Bi-Centennial commemorative plate belonging to some family from Binghamton, New York seems a bit curious,” said UNLV psychology professor Clifford Nordfors in what may be the greatest understatement of the 21st century.

“This is my life’s work now,” the former Buffalo Bills great said. “Some guys do things in their life they’re not proud of and turn to the Bible or the Koran for salvation. Others counsel youth groups or help build parks. I forcefully gain entry to private homes and businesses under dark of night, hold people up at gunpoint, fill my duffel bag with a stash of 1987 autographed Nolan Ryan baseballs, rusty old A&W Root Beer signs, and comic books from the ‘50's and leave them on the doorstep of some poor, unsuspecting slob who probably never saw me play in the first place. Of course, I do all of this when I’m not looking for the real murderer.”

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