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Forty-Eight Year Old Queens Housewife Completes NY Marathon in Eight Hours Without Leaving Apartment

marathon runers

By the time the last runner crossed the finish line, marathoner Betty Ann Bolting was already at home, preparing a warm meal and threatening to put her irascible 81 year old mother-in-law in a home for the old, bitter and annoying.

NEW YORK, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — According to marathoner Betty Ann Bolting, the first two hours were the hardest.

"The phone was ringing off the hook, the kids were driving me crazy, my deaf mother in-law was screaming for her oatmeal and pain medication and my husband was accusing me of hiding his wallet and keys. But at around the two hour mark, things settled down and I got into a rhythm.”

At 5’1” and 178 pounds, Betty Ann doesn’t appear built for endurance, and she’ll be the first to admit that she gets winded walking down three flights of stairs to fetch the mail, but she’s far from a novice when it comes to entering and finishing marathons.

“I just love the challenge. Last year I completed the 24 hour Seinfeld marathon in 42 hours. I did the 24 hour Friends marathon in 32 and the Cheers marathon in 30, my personal best. But I’m most proud of my time in the two-day Three’s Company marathon. I did it in 62 hours, all but two of them on my back -- I wrenched it the day before attempting a sit-up. Usually a back injury can actually be a plus, since there’s really not much else you can do. But 62 hours of Three’s Company is a true test of endurance – the Vicodin helped, but watching an actor of Don Knotts’ stature reduced to playing a leering, withered old fool in such third-rate crap, well, it was just an achievement crossing the finish line without throwing my iron through the TV.”

Stanley Bolting attributes his wife’s staying power to her ability to “multi-task” and her mastery of the Tivo device he purchased last Christmas.

“Almost from the time we took the thing out of the box and hooked it up, she’s been a Tivo-a-holic, recording anything not nailed down, from cooking shows to just about every sitcom in the book. She sits in front of the damned TV for hours on end – but I have to hand it to her, I get home from my shift and a hot meal’s on the table, the wash is done and the kids’ lunch is packed. She’s an inspiration. When I’m pulling a double shift – I’m a security guard at Queens mall – and feeling the fatigue, I think of Betty Ann at home grinding out another all-nighter and I just tell myself, Stanley, stop your complaining and man up.”

Asked what she’ll do now that she’s completed her first NY marathon in just a shade over eight hours, Betty Ann plans on tackling next year's Jerry Lewis Telethon, but has her immediate sights set on the Dynasty Marathon next month on TNT.

“Now, the goal is watch an extended telecast in the shortest possible time. It will be tough with all the interruptions and chores that wouldn’t get done otherwise. It will require everyone’s cooperation – and it would help if Stanley got his mother out of the house for a change. But I think it can be done. Three weeks ago I watched back-to-back episodes of Bonanza in twelve minutes. And just last week I watched 10 hours of Fox News in ninety seconds. I just wish I thought of this before I wasted an entire weekend glued to Baywatch.“

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