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NFL Draft Guru Mel Kiper believes David Vobora, the last pick in this year's draft, has a chance of making it. "Actually, in two or three years, Vobora won't be the only Mr. Irrelevant of the 2008 draft. By then, more than half will be out of the game selling underwear at a nudist's camp -- talking about irrelevant." (For more on Kiper, check out his definitive Dickipedia entry.)
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NEW YORK, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service)
As the last pick in the 2008 NFL draft, Idaho’s David Vobora is this year’s Mr. Irrelevant, a name given to the last pick considering his slim chance of ever playing a down for the selecting team (though a number of “Mr. Irrelevants” through the years have beaten the odds and held on). To most collegiate athletes, it’s a source of profound embarrassment. The best that can be said is that you’re all that’s left. You’ve been found wanting, and pretty much unwanted. But to linebacker David Vobora, there’s more to it than being the new synonym for non-entity: it’s an assured legacy.
“I take the long view. In thirty years how many names will people remember from this year’s draft? Maybe 10 that really made it and five who were complete busts? Most will fade into oblivion. But thirty years from now, people will be able to look back and go, remember what’s his name? The last guy picked in 2008? To realize that in thirty years people will have a vague sense of who I was is kind of cool.”
Scouting reports indicated that while Vobora didn’t have any notable physical attributes, he’s kind of smart, somewhat tenacious and just athletic enough. He was projected to be a late-round pick, if he got picked at all.
“I guess they overlooked my other notable attributes: non-essential and superfluous,” he said, beaming with completely unjustified pride. . “For years, my mom used to call me useless around the house, never cleaning up after myself, etc. So to me, being useless doesn’t have the stigma it has to other people.”
The St. Louis Rams were pleased to find Vobora available at the last spot.
“We take the final pick very seriously,” said Rams’ Assistant GM Art Spurlock. “We had about 30 guys on the board as possible last picks. What you want in a last pick is complete and total mediocrity (which basically comes standard), the ability to deal with the intense public humiliation, and a high threshold for pain. The last since you will spend your entire time in camp – figure two weeks tops – as a human training dummy and errand boy, before you’re unceremoniously sent out with the laundry. But unlike you, the laundry is coming back.”
For New Jersey resident and amateur draft enthusiast Ryan McNulty, this was the eighth consecutive year he’s attended the NFL draft (held this year at Radio City Music Hall). “Frankly to even announce a final pick is itself irrelevant,” McNulty opined. “And pointless. Why not announce a second-to-last pick, and leave the last one to speculation. Let’s face it, the last guy picked has about as much chance of bagging groceries as playing professional football. So let’s spare him and his family the embarrassment…and let the debate as to who would have been the final pick rage on.”
Draft guru Mel Kiper thinks Vobora might be a sleeper. “There’s no shame in being Mr. Irrelevant. I’ve been there, I know. For three whole months that’s exactly what I’d myself become – completely irrelevant – as Ms. Kiper decided to amuse herself with a young man from the neighborhood. Turned out the son of a bitch played linebacker for the local high school team. I was hell-bent on finding him the parking lot after practice and beating him into submission with my hair – which I heavily lacquer and arrange for just such occasions. But when I found out the kid ran a 4.6 forty and benched 350, I said whoa…I’ve got to keep an eye on this guy. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree – Ms. Kiper knows how to pick ‘em.” |
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