Sportsman's Daily


Marcus Vick Admits to Operating Unlicensed Flea Circus

NFL Star’s Younger Brother Nabbed Fleas from Dead Pit Bulls

bug zapper

Born flea. This bug zapper was given to Marcus Vick by his brother Michael to electrocute fleas that didn’t live up to their billing at Marcus’ flea circus. Marcus Vick said fleas should be free while not performing and refused to use the device, calling it “one mean sizzlin’ biotch.”

SURRY COUNTY, VA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) – Marcus Vick, the younger brother of troubled NFL star quarterback Michael Vick, has landed in a quite a bit of hot water himself. After being cut from Miami Dolphins training camp in May, Vick had plenty of time to weigh his options. Apparently the option he chose was to bite off of brother Michael’s living at the Bad Newz Kennels. Though Marcus hasn’t been accused of being involved directly with dog fighting, Michael allowed him to scrape up as many fleas from the dead canines to start his own traveling flea circus. “The flea circus is unlicensed,” said prosecutor Miles Thompson. “Marcus faces stiff penalties. Those fleas weren’t even asked if they wanted to be a part of the circus.”

Not everyone feels the flea circus is such a bad thing. “Look, opportunities for fleas aren’t what they used be,” proclaimed Clifford Reese, who operates Reese Flea Circuses Worldwide, the world’s third largest flea circus company. “Take a look at this fella right here, Tiny T. Flea.” Reese added pointing to the minuscule speck dancing in the flying trapeze area. “He needed to make a decision. You think he wanted to be like his folks, living on dogs the rest of his life? He realizes the circus is a tough life -- you’re away from home, away from your family most of the year, sharing trailers with the bearded lady and the world’s strongest man, but there’s money to be made. And dag nabbit, this little critter’s gonna make it.” An enthusiastic Reese pounded down his fist for emphasis instantly crushing the flea and leaving curious customers forever wondering what might have been for the highly touted siphonaptera.

Marcus Vick said he will cooperate with authorities, pay his debt to society, then if given the opportunity, will officially license his flea circus. “Maybe it’s controversial, but a lot of people don’t realize this is part of the culture. Flea circuses and dog fighting circuits have been operating hand in hand since at least 1979 – back when The Sugarhill Gang busted out Rapper’s Delight. And let me tell you, I was running a high class operation. I just had one of those new pickle jar top sized merry-go-rounds put in. My fleas love it. I take care of my fleas. Michael wanted me to get one of those bug zappers for the one’s who didn’t perform well. Sorry, Marcus don’t play that.”

Marcus Vick’s new agent Cornelius Witherspoon said, “I hope the judicial system treats my client fairly. Deep down he’s a good guy. If things don’t go well, I guess he could flea bargain. Oh my God. You hear that?? I made a funny. Flea bargain. Damn. Here’s another. He should change his name to Marcus Tick. Tick! You get it? Somebody, please stop me.”

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