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Derek Jeter is “Really F*ckin’ Bummed” He Didn’t Win MVP

Yankee Star’s Anguish Swells During T-Day Dinner

Derek Jeter

Derek Jeter, unable to accept being beaten out in MVP voting, acts like big baby and throws tantrum at family's Thanksgiving dinner. Here he is pictured with his old Little League bat about to drive the Grossman's mailbox into the gap -- the narrow strip of sod between Billy Grossman's house and Petey Miller's house.

New York, NY (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- A stunned New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter learned on Tuesday he was beaten out by Minnesota Twins first baseman Justin Morneau for the 2006 American League MVP Award. The Yankee captain publicly handled the news with dignity and grace and congratulated Morneau via satellite television. However Jeter’s true feelings, with a healthy dose of childish resentment, apparently came pouring forth while he was visiting his parent’s home for Thanksgiving dinner.

“When he learned he was edged out by just fourteen first place votes, he went a little crazy,” said Jeter‘s mother Dorothy. “I just thought it was a temporary thing. Then he came over for Thanksgiving dinner. He seemed ok at first. But as we started bringing the food to the table something happened. He sat there for a second with a smile on his face talking to the dozen or so people we had over. But his dad and I could clearly see there was another emotion bubbling underneath. I put the cranberry sauce in front of him and out of nowhere he flipped the bowl over and ran to his old bedroom and locked the door. We could hear him kicking things all over the place - his Little League trophies, everything. Then he rifled though the medicine cabinet and screamed ‘where in the hell do you people keep the God damned Vicodin?’”

Next door neighbor and dinner guest, Nicolas Policare describes what happened next. “Well, it got pretty loud. We could hear an escalating confrontation between Derek and his dad Charlie coming from the hallway. Charlie told Derek his mom had worked all day on the dinner and that it’s an insult to get up from the table before giving thanks. Derek said, and I’m paraphrasing here, ‘Thanks? For what? Losing out to some stupid fuck who no one outside of St. Paul never heard of? I take 200 ground balls a day, but the writers who have a vote don’t see that do they? Do they? Leave the fucking bird and mashed potatoes at the door old man, I want to be alone.’ It was so unlike Derek. I remember him as such a sweet kid. Always respectful. But man, he was really fuckin‘ bummed.”

Unsubstantiated reports suggest Jeter then drove around the neighborhood hitting mailboxes with a baseball bat. Those present at the Jeter house did confirm the All-Star returned shortly afterward stumbling through the front door drunk, partially naked in high heels and wearing lipstick. He demanded two containers of Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby which he proceeded to eat in one sitting. Stunned guests sat silently through the awkward dinner amid the deafening clanking of silverware on china. Charlie Jeter tried to lighten up the uneasiness saying, “The stuffing’s my aunt’s old recipe. She’s dead now,” which was followed by polite smiles and a few courteous chuckles.

UPDATE...Yankee shortstop refuses to leave room as seige at Jeter family home continues. Crowd gathered outside house sets upon Yankee teammates Johnny Damon and A-Rod -- the latter flying in from St. Croix to hold press-conference re off-season training regimen. (Developing...)

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