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Choice Pick. Dolphins’ defensive end Jason Taylor might find himself elsewhere if guitar pick aficionado Bill Parcells has his way.
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MIAMI, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Miami Dolphins Vice President of Football Operations, Bill Parcells wants to leave an impression on his new bosses and the fans of Miami. He wants to turn the Dolphins back into a winner, sooner than later.
It was reported earlier this week that the club was considering dealing defensive end Jason Taylor for picks. But apparently not conventional picks via the NFL draft, but guitar picks. Parcells denied the report.
But Head Coach Tony Sparano confirmed that on Thursday, Parcells was looking through a selection of vintage Fender and Jim Dunlop picks that could be quite valuable. “He saw one that Elvis used during a 1963 tour through Europe and went completely gaga,” said Sparano. “Looked to me to be a customized tortoiseshell 351 – perfect for flat picking. Not that Elvis knew jack squat about flat picking, but still, it’s a nice piece.”
“Everybody knows I like Elvis,” said Parcells. “Is that a crime? I just wanted to get my paws on a couple of his classic picks and feel ‘em for a while – rub them all over my shiny, pale, naked body as I luxuriate in my satin sheet covered bed. Jason’s got nothing to worry about. He’s not going anywhere.”
But sources close to the Dolphins sense a deal may be in the works to move the veteran defensive star. “Picks are important in football. I speak of course of draft picks,” said Carl LeBauch, Personal Assistant to Parcells. “Guitar picks is another matter. My guess is that trading a perennial All-Pro for assembly line plastic plectrums might raise some eyebrows. But then again, he’s Bill Parcells. He hasn’t gotten this far by making stupid moves. Maybe I’m just not up to speed on the new math.”
“Picks are picks,” said Dolphins running back Lorenzo Booker. “Whether it’s a first round draft pick, a toothpick, an ice pick, or a Jimi Hendrix D’Andrea custom Lignum vitae opaque pick circa 1968. Who am I to question the football minds around here? This is the NFL, you can’t choose who or what you’re traded for. Damn. If Jason gets dealt for a couple of Peavy medium 0.73 millimeter jobbers, he’ll just have to man up and take it.”
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