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The Yankees net fresh prospects. The guy in the striped shirt was clocked throwing a 99 mph fastball -- he was a keeper. The others were thrown back and given handsome Yankees towels for their efforts.
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TAMPA, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service)
Hank Steinbrenner has fired the latest salvo in the Red Sox- Yankees rivalry by instructing his Latin American scouting team to anchor his personal yacht, “The Payroll,” 20 miles off the coast of Cuba, hoping to get first dibs on any talented players attempting to defect to the States.
“We’re gonna pluck them right out of their makeshift rafts,” said the increasingly paranoid Steinbrenner. “The first thing they see on their journey to freedom will be Yankee pinstripes.”
Steinbrenner’s yacht has been renovated into a veritable floating baseball training center. The vessel includes a batting cage, bullpen, and training room, as well as an on-board nutritionist and translator. “We’ll be able to evaluate these guys before we reach Miami,” said Yanks GM Brian Cashman.
“We used to just hang around the stadium when the Cuban national team came to the states to play,” said Yankees scout Kevin Gillespie. “We’d have our guys distract the Cuban guards by offering them blue jeans and Nikes while we helped the prospect over the fence and into a Yankees van,” he continued. “But the Red Sox caught on and they show up now too. Plus, the Cuban team doesn’t play in the states enough to sufficiently fill our pitching needs. We had to kick it up a notch.”
“Hank is a lunatic,” said Red Sox GM Theo Epstein. “Dealing with his arrogant father was one thing, but this guy...Jesus Christ.”
Critics of the plan ask what will become of those refugees whom the Yanks brass deem not worthy of major league consideration. According to a Yankees insider, “Steinbrenner, that crazy fuck, wants us to put them back in the ocean in rafts decorated with Red Sox logos. I don’t know if that’s legal. In fact, I don’t know if any of this is legal, but hey, we’re the Yankees.”
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