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Gisele Bundchen Backtracks on Promise to Run Naked Through Manhattan if the Pats Lose: “If Anyone Needs to See Me Naked Right Now, it’s Tom”

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Brazilian supermodel breaks promise to run naked through streets of Manhattan. The sexual frustration was palpable, bringing mid-town traffic to a standstill.

Glendale, AZ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — In the aftermath of their 21-12 victory over the San Diego Chargers, Tom Brady’s celebrated girlfriend startled onlookers by promising to run naked down Broadway in the event the Patriot lose to the NY Giants. Since the Giants' stunning upset, thousands of fans have thronged Times Square eagerly awaiting Gisele’s naked romp. News that she’d broken her promise and is instead tending to her fallen boyfriend – and the images it conjures (both naked on a bed of lilacs, Brady’s aching head cradled between Gisele’s world-famous breasts) -- has caused great anger and resentment, particularly among Pats players who looked forward to ogling Gisele to cushion their bitter disappointment.

"I’m as bummed as anyone,” said Patriots tight end Kyle Brady. “Losing hurts, not getting to see Gisele in her birthday suit weaving through mid-town traffic makes it even worse. We just can’t catch a break.”

The thought of Gisele tending to her beaten and bruised boyfriend made frustrated Giants fans lining the “parade” route all the more determined to see the Giants beat the Patriots all over again in next year’s Super Bowl.

"What a pussy – Tom, not Gisele,” said Frank Rizzo, who took the afternoon off and came in from Union City, New Jersey, to glimpse Ms. Bundchen’s anticipated run. “I’m hoping she gets fed up with his whining and moping and gives him a well-placed – and quite lovely – knee to the crotch. Come to think of it, Gisele can give me a knee to the crotch anytime.”

Ms. Bundchen’s broken promise left thousands of libido-mad males with little outlet for their bottled up desires. As it gradually dawned that she wouldn’t be appearing, grousing lead to anger which spilled over into a mass groping frenzy – comely women in business suits ran for cover as any pair of breasts on two legs became fair game for marauding bands of sex-charged males. Helmeted police tried quelling the disturbance, but to no avail.

“This all could have been avoided if Ms. Bundchen kept her word,” said New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg. “I promised her people a police escort and an orderly procession. Frankly, I’m just as disappointed as the next guy. I had my spot all picked out and was looking forward to it. If she wants to reconsider, we’ll be happy to make all the necessary arrangements.”

As of this writing, Ms. Bundchen hasn’t responded to Mayor Bloomberg’s offer.

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