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Favre Cries at Retirement Speech Because He Could No Longer Spell Favre

Brett Favre autographed football

Favre out, dude! This Brett Favre autographed football clearly illustrates how the quarterback really had no idea how to spell his last name.

GREEN BAY, WI (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — “I just could never get a handle on it from day one, but I faked my way through it when signing autographs. The V is before the R, but you say the R first. It’s one screwed up name. So, in recent days it became apparent to me that I just couldn’t even fake it anymore.”

Those were the closing words of Brett Favre’s emotional retirement speech on Thursday. Favre, the Green Bay Packers quarterback whose place is assured in Canton, called it quits after seventeen glorious seasons in the NFL. Favre, who is of French ancestry, admitted that he spelled his last name Farve or Farv many times growing up.

“I said to my dad as a kid, ‘isn’t there something we can do about this? It’s not only a burden on us as a family, but if I become famous, no one’s going to pronounce it correctly.’ But we stuck with it,” said a tearful Favre. “When I first came up, it was a real disaster. I’d hear people call me Favors, Flava Farv, Farve-feg-nugen…and I just never bothered to correct them. Hell, I couldn’t pronounce or spell it right myself half the time. You ever take a look at my autograph? There’s like zero commitment to that thing, it’s totally interpretive – because I can’t spell my frickin’ name! You ever try running it through spell check in Microsoft Word? You get fever, fare, and sometimes nothing at all – as if the computer’s saying ‘yeah, right.’”

“I’m bummed out,” said Henry Strickland of Milwaukee. “I’ve finally learned how to spell it myself, and Brett decides he’s gonna bail? He’s still got football skills. Who cares if he can’t spell Favre. My neighbor’s name is John Messienklaptcheir. Nobody can spell that. He could have quit his job at the feed store, but he’s not retiring. I hope Brett will reconsider.”

Favre has contemplated retirement before, but he means it this time. The pressure of delivering a spot-on autograph or a signature on a new contract has become too much for the Mississippi native. “I could have changed it years ago, and I should have, but I didn’t,” added the Associated Press three-time NFL MVP. “So I here’s some advice for those who aspire to be a professional athlete – if you’re last name is Kakanarakis, Chevapravadumrong, or Kjaersgaard, in the name of all that’s holy, freekin’ change it.”

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