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| Knicks owner James Dolan in characteristic court side pose. Next year, don't expect to see his head buried in his hands for more than seven seconds at a time. |
NEW YORK, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) —
Roughly 90 seconds after naming Mike D’Antoni head coach of the hapless New York Knicks, owner James Dolan made “seven seconds or less” the organization’s new mantra, effective immediately – if not sooner. D’Antoni’s up-tempo Suns were instructed to shoot within the first seven seconds of the shot clock; while it’s a style that seems almost preposterously ill-suited for the plodding, half-court oriented Knicks roster, Dolan believes a “seven seconds” approach will lead to sounder – and snappier -- managerial decisions.
“One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…seven Mississippi,” intoned Dolan from the podium during a rare press appearance. “Seven seconds, if you remain focused, gives you all the time you need to make good decisions – while you were sitting there sucking your thumbs I decided to sell my shares in Yahoo, what I’m having for lunch and how I’m going to explain all this to my dad (Cablevision owner Charles Dolan). From this point forward there will be no second guessing and no second opinions. I would like to continue, but my assistant is informing me that my seven seconds are up.”
When Dolan’s assistant said he’d actually been talking for 16 seconds, Dolan paused for six seconds before firing him and announcing his successor (based on the first random name that came up in his Blackberry) – an impressive demonstration of his new seven seconds technique.
“I didn’t expect this when I signed on,” said recently appointed Knicks President Donnie Walsh. “I can barely clear my throat in seven seconds, let alone make a considered executive decision. If I had known this was going to be the policy, it would have taken me two seconds to say no. Two to tell Dolan he’s an idiot. And the remaining three to hail a cab to the airport. Are my seven seconds up yet?”
Embattled Knicks point guard Stephon Marbury welcomed the new up-tempo approach to decision-making.
“Some of my best results came from rash decisions,” said Marbury. “Though that’s not that unexpected as every decision I’ve ever made was a rash decision, including three quarters of my ill-advised drives to the basket. I’d like to say that over-thinking gets you in trouble, but I couldn’t say that with confidence since I’ve never over-thought a single thing in my life – other than when to spill the dirt I have on Isiah (soon, soon). Over-thinking is what you pay other people for.”
Malcolm Gladwell, the author of "Blink," a book about rapid cognition and the often correct conclusions we reach in the blink of an eye, believes Dolan’s approach could work. “When you meet someone for the first time, or walk into a house you are thinking of buying, or see Eddie Curry meandering about in the paint like a velociraptor mired in a tar pit, your mind takes about two seconds to jump to a series of conclusions – which to a remarkable degree are sound ones. In view of this, seven seconds can be an eternity, enough time to permit second-guessing and doubt. I would suggest to Dolan that he consider narrowing his executive decision window to 3-4 seconds, tops. That’s where he’ll start seeing real results, perhaps even on the floor.”
Jack McCallum, the long-time NBA writer for Sports Illustrated and author of “Seven Seconds or Less: My Season on the Bench with the Runnin' and Gunnin' Phoenix Suns” has seen the limits of D’Antoni’s approach first-hand and while he’s a fan of D’Antoni’s up-tempo approach, he’s not convinced it will produce a competitive Knicks team any time soon. “From what I’ve seen and what I know, Dolan’s incapable of producing a cogent thought in seven days, let alone seven seconds. Most importantly, I don’t see it translating to fan-friendly basketball considering the collection of slow-footed, overpaid stiffs on their roster. But what I’m wondering is, how does Ms. Dolan feel about this? Seven seconds? Try telling your wife your sack time will now be limited to basically two three second violations with a second allotted for foreplay…I don’t know about Dolan, but at the McCallum household that’s a flagrant 2 – automatic ejection and a minimum one month suspension. I wish him luck.” |
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