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No Runs. Two Slits. Big Error. Johnny Damon trying to make sense of it all as he slashed his wrists during a suicide squeeze attempt.
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KANSAS CITY, MO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) New York Yankees center fielder Johnny Damon tucked a razor blade in his back pocket after manager Joe Girardi suggested if the opportunity presented itself, the team might try a suicide squeeze. Dancing off of third base in the seventh inning of Thursday night’s game against the Kansas City Royals, Bobby Abreu laid down a bunt as Damon broke for the plate, the horror that ensued seconds later made baseball history.
“What a bloody mess that was,” said Alex Rodriguez who was in the on deck circle. “He’s (Damon) about ten feet away from scoring and he suddenly stops, pulls out a razor blade, and slices his wrists one after the other with that goofy ass smile on his face. You could hear screaming in both dugouts.”
“I never was involved in a suicide squeeze before and I thought that was the way you do it,” said Damon. “I would have brought a pistol if it helped, but it’s harder to get past security.”
“Johnny’s not bright,” said Girardi. “In fact, he’s dumb, very dumb. Fortunately for all of us, he’ll survive and will only be on the DL for fifteen days.”
It isn’t known at this time where Damon got the razor blades. “Most of the guys shave with one of those Mach 3’s or use an electric razor if they want to trim up their pubes,” said teammate Derek Jeter. “Johnny’s pretty old school though.”
This is only the third time in modern baseball history that a player has attempted to end his life on the field. All three attempts came in the American League. In 1911 outfielder Rube Oldring of the Philadelphia Athletics attempted the feat by drinking arsenic as Stuffy McGinnis laid down a bunt. He survived. And in 1944, when many of America’s top players were serving in World War II, twenty-one year old minor leaguer Jim Devlin was called up by the Cleveland Indians for one game on April 27 and attempted the suicide squeeze by jamming a screw driver into his carotid artery. He barely broke the skin and the Indians lost. He was sent back down to the minors immediately after the game with his bat, glove and a box of gauze.
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