Sportsman's Daily


Twenty-two Year Old Stuck in 1967 to Finally Get His Shot at the NBA


Outta the Hoop. Corey Adams has been stuck in the same day in 1967 for forty-one years. Here is the last known photo of Adams as he prepares for a college game (circa 1966). He will be transported to 2008 next week and begin an NBA career that’s been stalled for decades.

TRENTON, NJ (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Corey Adams is 22 years old, and by his own admission hasn’t been able step out of the 1960’s. But he’s not speaking figuratively. Adams is not a 21st century kid living in the past by listening to his dad’s old Beatles 45’s or watching Get Smart on YouTube. He’s actually stuck in a time-space continuum and has lived the same day over and over, March 12, 1967, for the past forty-one years.

Adams has been able to communicate with those living in 2008 through a tiny spatial wormhole located just behind the tube of Brycreem on his dresser.

“Technically, Mr. Adams is 63 years old,” says MIT professor Flavius Jankauskas. “But he hasn’t aged. He’s permanently 22. But now we’ve concocted a plan to reach into the wormhole and pull him out which will allow him to begin the aging process naturally. He’ll be able to utilize his formidable basketball skills in the pros over the next ten to twelve years.”

“I got the idea something was wrong when the price of gas never went above 33 cents, and I kept seeing the same episode of Gunsmoke,” said Adams. “I sure am glad the guys at MIT are going to get me out. I understand there are a few things I’ll have to adjust to – like smoking is bad for you and that the NBA is now mostly comprised of Negroes.”

It was explained to Adams that the acceptable term for black people is African-American and that smoking causes lung cancer.

“Groovy,” said Adams. “Sounds like we’re making progress.”

The procedure to extract Adams from 1967 will occur next Thursday at 11:54 P.M. EST when the wormhole window will open to it’s fullest to accommodate Adams’ 6’4” frame. He will then begin working out with the New York Knicks almost immediately.

Adams was set to join the NBA’s rival league, the ABA in its inaugural season as a member of the Oakland Oaks, but soon discovered he couldn’t get out of his bedroom. Eventually, he was able to manage to live within a small area approximately three blocks from his apartment. However, every time he tried to venture beyond the perimeter, he said he felt strange. He eventually gave up the effort to go beyond the barrier, and spent most of the past forty years in his bedroom.

“You want to talk about frustrating?” added the Trenton, New Jersey native. “It’s amazing what forty years and nowhere to go can do to a man. I poured all my time into lab work. As a result, I can now cross a boa constrictor with a canary.”

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