Sportsman's Daily

 

“Confessions of a Clubhouse Manager’s Wife: Skid Marks, Nub-Jamming, and the Cornelius Incident” Rocks Baseball

Rollie Fingers

Smell My Fingers! Rollie Fingers locker room antics were mild in comparison to the fabled Cornelius Incident, one of the more infamous moment’s in A’s history as told in Millie O’Toole’s tell-all.

OAKLAND, CA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Millie O’Toole has been married to her husband Joe for thirty-nine years. In those thirty-nine years, she’s spent many an evening longing for his companionship while he was with the team on the road.

Immediately after returning from their honeymoon trip, Joe took a job as assistant equipment manager with the Oakland A’s in 1969 which required extensive travel seven months of the year. Millie remained at home and raised the couple’s two children. Joe rose up the ranks quickly and eventually ran the clubhouse. Now, in his fortieth season with the A’s, the sixty-two year old O’Toole still toils amidst the soiled underpants and jockstraps of Bobby Crosby, Jack Cust, and others. “It’s been nice,” said O’Toole. “I know exactly what detergent to use to get (Joe) Blanton’s shit-stained shorts looking wedding gown white.”

After seeing her two children, Ann, 37, and Steve, 35, leave home, Millie needed to occupy her time with something. She did. She compiled the stories her husband told her, scribbling them down on napkins, and scratch paper, keeping them tucked away in shoeboxes. Now, as Millie O’Toole’s tell-all book is due in stores next month, her husband may find himself unemployed.

“Joe confided in Millie over the years like any husband would, but it’s apparently backfired as her sizzling exposé will make Ball Four and Juiced look like light airplane reading,” said baseball guru Peter Gammons. “I was particularly disturbed when reading how Rollie Fingers would steal away in a nearby closet with nothing but a bag filled with Sal Bando’s athletic supporters and sniff to his heart’s content. I don’t know about you, but that sure puts a damper on the A’s glory days.”

A’s ownership hasn’t made an official statement on the book, but some former players have expressed anger that clubhouse secrets will soon be out in the open.

“I’m pissed,” said former A’s slugger and current New York Yankee, Jason Giambi. “I don’t have a beef with Joe – he was just sharing stuff with his wife – but his old lady has a lot of nerve opening up Pandora’s box.”

Strangely enough, Giambi is only referenced in the book once. However, the connection is with the infamous Cornelius Incident.

Johnny Cornelius was a rookie pitcher called up in September of 1999 when the league rosters expanded. Cornelius, who had a prodigious and legendary male appendage, was paraded in front of a female radio reporter Sarah Gladstone. Gladstone passed out immediately after seeing Cornelius’ sixteen inch member, hit her head on a locker, and died. The story was kept quiet for years, until news of the book’s impending release. Cornelius never played baseball again, had his penis shortened, and now works as game show host in Reno, Nevada.

“Joe saw plenty of shit go down,” laughed former A’s great, Bert Campaneris. “I remember how he helped me grease up a thirty-three inch Adirondack bat and give Herb Washington a nub-jammer.” Washington was signed by then A’s owner Charley Finley to strictly pinch run. After stealing three bases in a game during the 1974 season, Washington was greeted in the showers by Campaneris and (former A’s catcher) Gene Tenace. The bat was quickly inserted nub end first in Washington’s anus much to the delight of his chuckling teammates. “Welcome to the Majors asshole,” chimed Tenace. A screaming Washington, who required immediate surgery, swore revenge one day, but was released by the A’s the following season.

Millie O’Toole claims she has amassed enough stories over the years for a second book as her brother has worked for the Dodgers since 1977.

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