Sportsman's Daily

 

Former Jets Coach Pins Team's Failures on New Jersey's Eager-to-Please Gas Station Attendants

by Duncan Quirk (Special to TSD)

New York Jets, Eric Mangini

The Jets proved you can have a full tank and still run out of gas – or in Eric Mangini's case, run out of town.

Cleveland, Ohio (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- Browns head coach Eric Mangini, brought in to replace other Belichick disciple, Romeo Crennel and signed to a four year contract announced yesterday that he looks forward to the 2009 season with his new team and to pumping his own gas once again.

Mangini has come under fire for his handling of Brett Favre and for the complete collapse of the New York Jets in December; however, recent comments suggest that Mangini is more upset with the state of New Jersey than the New York Jets organization. Mangini spent the last three seasons as the head coach for the New York Jets, who play in New Jersey where it is illegal for anyone other than a gas station attendant to operate a gas pump. When asked about the negative press he endured while with the Jets, the usually stoic Mangini lashed out, asking, "How could they expect me to win the Super Bowl when they couldn't expect me to fill up my tank without blowing up the gas station?" He continued to vent his frustrations with New Jersey gas stations for the majority of the press conference, stating that, "if you are mentally incapable of pumping your own gas, there is no way on earth you should be allowed to drive a car!"

Mangini briefly touched upon the infamous collapse of his former team and hinted at its true causes when he described the effects mandatory full service at gas stations have upon football, saying, "it gets into their heads. Props up and super inflates their egos…it becomes nearly impossible to control a team that's too good to pump it's own gas." While falling short of blaming the end of the Jets' season on the ban on self serve gas pumps in the state of New Jersey, Mangini made it clear that he believes that the season would have ended differently if his players weren't coddled by gas station attendants, "When we were winning, you could barely get half the team
to pee for themselves, and you know where it starts and where it ends: ten dollar blow jobs in the back stall of a Mobile Station bathroom in Rutherford. You can't win football games like that.

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