Sportsman's Daily

 

Carmelo Anthony Gets Awkward Stares from Teammates after Playing Rush on Locker Room Sound System

Canadian Power Trio’s Vibe Silences Most Nuggets Players

 

Geddy Lee

Melo’s Fellow. Rush Bass Player/Vocalist Geddy Lee probably never imaged he’d be a divine inspiration for one of the NBA’s top stars.

DENVER, CO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Members of the Denver Nuggets are still perplexed as a string of bizarre behavior exhibited by their teammate and star forward Carmelo Anthony is in its ninth day. After last week’s exciting win against the Boston Celtics, Anthony sprinted into the locker room ahead of most of his teammates and selected the post game music. “Usually we’ve got some hip hop or a little R&B kickin’,” said guard Allen Iverson. “But then Melo busts out Rush or some shit, and my dawgs are like, ‘wha?’”

Rush, the Canadian progressive rock power trio, known for their Ayn Rand-inspired lyrics and technical instrumental prowess, peaked in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s and still enjoy a fan base of predominantly white male, heavy metal enthusiasts.

“Actually, I kind of like it,” said Nuggets Head Coach George Karl. “And of course (Lithuanian born small forward) Linas Kleiza is always off by himself playing air guitar.”

“I got two words for ya, Awk – ward,” said power forward Kenyon Martin. “He just won’t stop with the damn Rush. The second those jams comes on, brothers are all backin’ out of the room, rolling their eyes like it was the last place on earth they want to be. Melo’s either messin’ with our heads, or he’s freakin’.”

Speculation on what could be causing Anthony’s strange actions has made for interesting sports talk radio show fodder. Strength and Conditioning Coach Steve Hess sees nothing physically wrong with Anthony. “I’d like to get the doc’s opinion on this of course,” said Hess. “But he looks fine. It’s gotta be his mind. Hell, I remember Rush as a kid. Sure, (Neil) Peart’s drumming was a treat, but even then I found the lyrics plodding and the guitar work was your typical self-indulgent wank fest.”

Anthony answered reporter’s questions as the strains of Alex Lifeson’s blistering guitar solo from “Cygnus X-1” could be heard in the background. “Sure I contributed with twenty-nine points tonight, and it’s nice we won,” said the Nuggets 23 year old star. “But what really matters is what’s being said in this music. Listen to this. You hear that? That is musical genius going on fellas. You don’t hear that kind of bass line in anything by Soulja Boy. These boys are playin’ some serious lines together. It has depth.”

Anthony continued his almost fanatical discourse on the group’s musical legacy as clearly uncomfortable teammates quickly dressed en masse while looking straight ahead, making eye contact with no one. “This is off the 1977 follow up to 2112, called A Farewell to Kings. It was at this point that Neil Peart began to truly discover himself as a lyricist,” added an emotional Anthony. “And Geddy Lee’s quasi-falsetto is performed with more confidence. When I hear this, it just makes me want to go out and drop fifty on the Lakers.”

“He’s very ill,” said Nuggets point guard Chucky Atkins. “This sort of musical mutiny is what can destroy a team at its core. I just pray he can get some help before it’s too late. Thank God I’ve still got Kanye on my Ipod. But I’m not liking what I’m seeing around here. Yesterday I saw Marcus Camby actually groovin’ on (1980 Rush hit) Spirit of the Radio. He didn’t think I saw him, but I saw him. He was groovin’.

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