Carmelo Anthony Thinks DUI is Similar to MVP

Award Ceremony,  500 Feet.  Carmelo Anthony just had a feeling the people of Denver had something special planned when he saw this sign.

DENVER, CO (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Denver Nuggets star Carmelo Anthony was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence early Monday after playing his worst game the season – a game in which his team won 111-94 over the Houston Rockets.

“Yeah,” said Anthony. “I needed to go out and prove to myself and my teammates that I can turn it around and win the DUI Award or whatever. And now I got one. Some guys came by in cars with flashing lights and told me they were giving me one. It was real showtime with those lights and sirens. I’m really touched by their generosity, especially after I played like shit.” 

It was repeatedly explained to the star forward that a DUI is a very serious legal charge which can result in stiff penalties and possible jail time. “Yeah right,” a skeptical Anthony added. “You’re telling me it doesn’t mean Denver’s Ultimate Individual? Gimme a break!”

“I’d like to think he’s in a little bit of the denial stage right now,” said Nuggets head coach George Karl. “But I guess it’s not denial when you’re delusional first, or in this case, a tad on the thick side. We’ve all tried to explain it to him. Allen Iverson and Anthony Carter have been showing Melo all the awards the NBA and the city of Denver give out, but he still isn’t buying it.”

“I’ve seen alcohol affect people in many ways,” said all-star teammate Iverson. “There are happy drunks, sad drunks, angry drunks, and forgetful drunks. Now I guess we have to add ‘drunks who think they’ve won fictitious awards’ to the list.”

“I’d like to thank the city of Denver for this,” added Anthony holding his ‘award’ as a few media members hung on early into the morning. “But I couldn’t have done it without my teammates, coaches, family, and friends, and especially the fans.  I’ll admit – it’s not much of an award, barely suitable for framing in fact – and this coffee stain kind of devalues it, but I’m sure I can find a place for this DUI in my trophy case. Thank you. Thank you all.”

Anthony says he’ll enjoy the DUI for a few weeks, then plans on giving it to his mother.

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