Sportsman's Daily


CansecoWorld Theme Park Closes: Iraq War Reenactment Fails to Draw Vacationers

Jose and Ozzie Canseco

Mission Accomplished. Jose and Ozzie Canseco (in November) look over CansecoWorld’s Iraq War reenactment.  

MIAMI, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Former MLB slugger Jose Canseco, ever the enterprising entrepreneur, has failed mightily in his latest attempt to interact with his dwindling fan base. The 44 year old Canseco, along with his twin brother Ozzie, opened CansecoWorld in October of 2008 with the idea of luring vacationers seeking a “fantasy world” adventure. The theme park closed on Thursday.
CansecoWorld failed miserably almost from the start when employees complained of poor treatment and late payroll checks by the brothers. Still, the Cansecos were determined to create a special place where families could walk amongst painstakingly detailed depictions of current world events. Situated on nearly eight hundred acres near the Everglades outside of Miami, CansecoWorld’s main attraction was unquestionably a highly elaborate Iraq War reenactment that employed hundreds of actors.  
“What an ill-conceived clusterfuck that was,” said Ernie Lopez, a former employee. “The real Iraq War isn’t popular, how the hell did these assholes think that a reenactment of a war that’s still in progress is going to attract anybody? People walked by and just laughed at us. Let me tell you something about the Cansecos – every instinct these guys have is the wrong one. It’s amazing how two guys can be so dumb. Of course, I’m not exactly a charter member of Mensa either, because I freekin’ worked for them.”  
The Canseco brothers are no strangers to controversy, but it seems the CansecoWorld debacle may be the crowning achievement in a long line of terrible business decisions.
Perhaps the most disturbing element of the CansecoWorld saga is the fact that in an attempt to strive for authenticity, twenty-three vacationers were killed when they ventured too close to a bunker buster the Cansecos had purchased on the black market. Now the duo may face as many as fifty-seven individual lawsuits.
“What?” said Jose Canseco. “It says right on the back of the ticket, ‘enjoy at your own risk.’ Like I said in my book Juiced, ‘we’re all responsible for our own actions.’ When you come to CansecoWorld to experience the horrors of war – you experience the horrors of war. Look, you can call me any name in the book – asshole, son of a bitch, jagoff, prick – but I ain't no hypocrite.”  

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