 |
| Michael Jordan offers to put Jordan brand behind Harvey Gantt's next campgagn -- one Gantt has no plans to run. |
RALEIGH, N.C. (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) -- Former Charlotte, N.C., mayor Harvey Gantt, an African-American, twice ran and lost U.S. Senate challenges to unseat arch-conservative Jesse Helms. When approached by Gantt's campaign for an endorsement, former Tar Heel Michael Jordan famously replied, "Republicans buy sneakers, too."
While he’s caught heat for it over the years, Jordan’s never addressed it beyond those brief dismissive remarks. With Helms’ passing on July 4, Jordan took a breather from an all-night poker game to break his silence on the controversial subject.
“What I said was true - Republicans buy sneakers. And usually full retail. But I’ve since realized that there are more important things than money, or market share or the Jordan brand.”
Jordan paused. He then tented his fingers, looked around the room, and furrowed his brow as though in deep thought. His lips moved as though they were about to form words, but none came. About ninety tense seconds passed before Jordan finally spoke.
“When I played there’s twenty thousand fans in the stands, all cheering for you, right? But how do you know the guy in Section C isn’t a pedophile, or the dude in Row 8 isn’t a serial killer, or the father of three sitting courtside isn’t screwing the nanny? As a player you know going in that, statistically speaking, part of your fan base should be behind bars, no question. So what do you do – other than tighten security -- not let them into the game when they’ve paid for the seats?”
Jordan was asked if he was likening Nike-buying Republicans with pedophiles, serial killers and husbands that take liberties with the Brazilian nanny.
“Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of a Swedish nanny. Seeing what Tiger wound up with, it’s not a bad way to go. Definitely an option.”
Jordan was brought back on track when asked if he’d ever met the five-term Senator.
“A number of years back, I was in Raleigh at some function and I was introduced to the Senator. ‘Hello Senator Helms, nice to meet you,’ I say, offering my hand. He looks up at me, sizes up my hand, and smiles like he’s addressing the help back at the plantation: ‘Nice to meet you too, Fred.’ I’m like, Fred, huh? No, it’s Michael, Michael Jordan, the basketball player. He just goes, ‘Nice to meet you Fred.’ That’s one crazy mother (muffled).”
Someone later told Jordan that Helms had a “humorous habit" of calling all black people "Fred".
“Yeah, humorous. Hilarious. It was then that I realized I made a mistake, I should have come out to support the brother. Let him know, if he runs again, give my office a call, we’ll hit the campaign up with all the Air Jordans and Jordan brand apparel they need. On the house. It would be my honor to be the official sponsor – along with Gatorade and Hanes -- of Harvey Gantt’s next campaign.”
While Gantt, who manages a successful architectural practice, remains active in politics, he is said to have no plans to run for public office anytime in the near future. “Tell Michael, thanks, but he can keep his endorsement. Back in the day, great, but these days Michael Jordan is synonymous with the Charlotte Bobcats, who are synonymous with train wreck. I mean, one bad decision after another…to anyone outside North Carolina, Michael Jordan is a god. Here, he’s just an incompetent basketball executive who’s making it awful hard for an entire city to be proud of its team. Hell, even Jesse Helms would make a better NBA exec than Michael Jordan, which is saying a lot when you wonder where Helms would get NBA caliber-players from, as he liked blacks almost as much as he liked Europeans – which is to say, not much.” |
PREVIOUSLY JUST IN
Transvestite Harassed at Meadowlands During Jets Game Brandishes Sex Organ...Mortified Harassers Flee...Eight-Six Injured in Stampede
On the Day the Lakers Extend Jackson Two Years, Kobe Calls "Zenmaster" a Fraud: "The Cat Don't Even Know There's 17 Syllables in a Dang Haiku. Seventeen, Right? Sheet."
Knicks on Two Game Tear...Marbury Leads Team in Points, Assists, Scowls...Thomas Still Insists He Never Harrassed That Woman
Mitt Romney Calls Scientology a Sham; Tom Cruise Calls Mitt Romney a Mockery of a Sham; Jackie Mason Calls for a Truce; Woody Allen Calls Out for Chinese...More Breaking Sports News As it Breaks...
Newly "Enlightened" Michael Vick Refuses to Eat Anything But Free Range Turkey...Rickey Williams Refuses to Smoke Anything Other than Organically Grown Yams
The WNBA Has Just Drawn its 1,000th Fan. League Officials, Players Celebrate. (Developing...)
SD To Help Fans of Late Night Comedy Through Writer's Strike by Publishing "Evening Edition" -- The Same Hard-Hitting Sports Parody, Posted Twelve Hours Later
Topless Cheerleader Coach Scandalizes Small Ohio Town; Topless Math Tutor Remains at Large (Developing...) |
